Shirayukihime and The Lost Fox

Chapter 23: Fear, Anger, and Sleep

I hide my smirk, knowing fully well that the person following us was frustrated and surprised. I look mack through my memories, and recall the third episode with these events. The person following Shirayuki should be Obi, though I can't remember much for some odd reason.

I brush the thought away. I'll remember soon, there's nothing to worry about. But a small stone of dead fills my stomach, making me think of the horrible idea of me forgetting my past. I latch onto the memories of my family, my mother's kind but worried smile and my father's disapproving frown whenever I came home from a fight, my little brother's enchanted golden eyes as I told him a tale of his big brother fighting a dragon, my baby sister's sleepy blue eyes as I held her for the first time.

I don't want to forget. I refuse to.

With a renewed determination, I push myself to walk beside Shirayuki. I reach into my pocket for the small throwing knife I had 'borrowed' earlier. The cool metal of the blade was reassuring to the touch, but the tan piece of fabric wrapped around the grip brought me back my focus. I had to protect Shirayuki.

We made it into a large courtyard, the halls open with large arches supporting the second floor of the castle. We ran through the halls, our footsteps much louder than I would have liked. Just as we were passing by a hall branching off, a voice made us stop.

"Shirayuki!" We turn and see Zen walk out of the adjacent hall, his hand resting on the pommel of his sword. "I thought you two left. And why are you running?"

"Zen," Shirayuki whispers softly. She snaps out of her dreamy daze, quickly standing straight and hiding the arrow behind her back. She stutters as he approaches us, "Oh, u-um..." As she tries to find an excuse, Zen's eyes quickly snap to a tree not too far away from us, the same direction I was feeling like we were being watched. I study his reaction, watching as his eyes narrow in suspicion. So he felt it too.

"I forgot my book," Shirayuki finally says. "Is that so?" Zen asks, not yet turning away from the tree. "Are you sure you're telling me the whole truth?"

"Yes," she says almost immediately. Quieter, she adds, "for the most part." Zen's eyes turn to me, silently searching for any hint of a lie. I don't meet his gaze, instead look at Shirayuki with a blank look. "Shirayuki," I say. She turns to me, surprised with the warning tone in my voice. I cross my arms. "Tell him, or I will."

She looks at me for a moment longer before Zen speaks up. "So, are you going to tell me about that arrow?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Someone shot at you inside the castle?!" Zen's face portrayed all the fury building up inside of him. The arrow lied in his crossed legs as we all sat on the floor of an empty room. Shirayuki sat across from him, her head hanging as she clenched her fists in her lap. I sat near the window, wishing to be some sort of lookout.

Zen sighs, rubbing his head. "Those idiots," he mumbles. Louder, he asks, "Why didn't you call the guards?" He turns to me, an irritated look on his face. "Why didn't you call the guards?" I shrug in the face of his anger, further pushing his buttons. He was about to snap at me when Shirayuki spoke up. "Please don't blame him, Zen. I'm sorry, don't be mad. Please, just hear me out," she says with sincerity.

"How could I not be mad?" Zen says angrily. He takes the arrow and holds it out in front of him. "And why are you treating this as if it's no big deal?!"

"It is a big deal. I was scared," Shirayuki pauses for a moment heat flashing in her green eyes, "and I was angry too!" Zen falters slightly, surprised with her words. She grips the arrow and pulls it out of his hand. "Even so, I wanted to come to you first. I won't leave without a fight. Whoever wants to keep us apart I will confront and have them say it to my face."

"Alone," Zen says, though it wasn't a question. Shirayuki nods, continuing, "If it's just me then they would probably be more honest with me."

"You can't." She starts a little, then begins to protest but was cut off by Zen. "At least, that's what I'm supposed to say." He looks up at her, and begins listing off conditions that he wants her to follow. I stand up, thinking about scoping out the area. "And where are you going?" Zen asks me as I walk to the door. I pause, a hand on the doorframe. "I have my own suspicions," I say. "I'll meet up with you later."

I close the door, but don't leave. Where could I go now? I mentally start listing off locations and make to leave when I hear them talking through the door. "This aside for a moment, how is Akira? I ask him how he's doing but he won't tell me much."

I hear Shirayuki sigh. "He's okay, at least that's what he tells everyone. Zen, did you know he has nightmares? Almost every night he has terrible dreams, and when he doesn't, it's because he can't sleep. I know because I've had to wake him a few times because sometimes they get... bad. I think they're about his homeland. His family. When he can't sleep he'll climb up on the roof to watch the stars. He woke me one night when he was climbing and clattered on my window. But he's too stubborn to ask for help, and he refuses any medicine I could make to help him sleep. He doesn't want to be a burden."

It was silent for a moment. "I wish he would open up to us more," Zen whispers. I nearly didn't catch it. They move slightly before Shirayuki starts again. "Zen, Akira cares more than he shows. He takes the things that happen quite seriously. When the arrow was shot, he pulled me back before I could have possibly been hurt. He was scared, Zen, he really was. But underneath it, I could tell he was angry. Akira's afraid of many things, and becoming close with people is one of them. We have to give him time, Zen. As far as we know, he just lost so much more than we could ever imagine."

I couldn't stand to listen any further. I quickly walk away in a random direction. It was all true, though I hate to admit it. Admitting it seemed like I was admitting weakness. I did have nightmares, and they were about my family. The dreams came almost always whenever I slept. Some nights I couldn't bare to face them, so I climbed to the roof of the inn to watch the stars. Almost all of it was painfully true, and it hurt yet made me happy that someone looked through my mask.

I glance around the center courtyard and spot a grand tree. A sudden impulse pushes me to climb the tree into a branch that would hide me nicely from view. I don't fight the instincts as I sit on the branch, looking out into the courtyard and open corridors. I don't fight the exhaustion that threatens to close my eyes.

I definitely don't fight the dreamless sleep I found when I did.