The Secret Life of Malia Dallas

Chapter 53: White

I should probably call Shawn and Lily. I dialed Lily first. As I waited for her to pick up I could feel reality sinking in and with every ring it got harder and harder to breathe.

"HEY! HAD MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TODAY!" She said with happiness and it broke me. I didn't want to just break that. I took a deep breath and the acting begun.

"That's great! What did you do?" I asked with the best happy I could muster.

"Not much, I mean its school so it's not like it's fun," She says with a laugh. "What about you? How was your day?" She asked. I sucked in a deep breath.

"Um well I don't know," and I broke. I couldn't lie to Lily, I couldn't play it off like I could handle it, I couldn't deal with this, I couldn't sit in the hall. I didn't know how to do this. I started hyperventilating. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just didn't want to ruin your day. You sounded so happy I didn't want to just ruin it," I rambled into the phone.

"Wait, Malia what are you talking about? What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asked.

"My Gramps stomach cancer is back," I whispered into the phone but she heard it. She heard it because it was silent.

"Life sure does suck sometimes," She finally said and I couldn't help but laugh. This is why she's my best friend. She won't beat around the bush telling me she's sorry. It's not her fault she doesn't have to apologize. Saying sorry doesn't change anything. Its pity.

"Yeah life does suck sometimes," I say. "We're all at the hospital except for you and Shawn obviously," I tell her.

"Does Shawn know?" She asks.

"No not yet," I tell her.

"Oh well I'll let you call him," She says to me. She knows I don't know what to say and she doesn't know what to say either. I would much rather just sit with her on the phone in silence. No talking, just knowing she's there.

"Okay I'll talk to you at some point," I tell her.

"Alright hang in there I love you," She shouts.

"I love you too."

Alright now its time to call Shawn.

"Hey Mals? How is life?" He asks and I can hear the smile on his face.

"Honestly, not so great," I said. Not so great was a complete understatement but whatever.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"My Gramps has stomach cancer again," I breathe out.

"What do you mean again?" He asks.

"Well what do you think I mean? He's had it in the past, they said he was cancer free but I guess not," I explain and my voice was getting grainier as I continued to speak.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. "I mean obviously you're not okay but how are you handling it?"

"It's not easy walking into a room and seeing one of the most important people in my life in that bed. I'm not crying I guess that's good. I don't know," I breathed out.

"I know you Malia, you are strong. But you don't always have to be. The strongest people break down too," He said trying to reassure me.

"I know thanks Shawn," I said with an attempted smile even though he couldn't see.

"You know I'm here for you, just a phone call away," He said.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm um gonna go now," I said not entirely sure how to end the conversation.