Amaranthine

6: Wreckage

Dio's gaze finally seemed serious. "Freya, I never lied to you or pretended. I really do think of us as friends. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"But you did," I said. "Hurting my friends hurts me. Hurting innocent people hurts me." I frowned. "So answer me, Dio. Did you want to separate me from Jonathan?"

Dio sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I had an inkling of a plan, but it wouldn't work. In the end, I never tried." He said. "And then you became a close friend to me."

So he truly did want to be friends with me, but it was all so Jonathan wouldn't have any friends. "Unbelievable." I glared at him. "How can you just use people like this?"

"I didn't use you . . ." Dio said it almost hesitantly. "I do like you. I really enjoyed reading with you and going to the carnival with you. It made me happy. Yesterday, I realized that I treasure you. I hoped you would see that. You mean so much to me. Please don't let something like this tear our friendship apart."

His eyes were pleading with me, but as much as I wanted to believe him, I felt nothing. He's playing the victim here? He was so kind to me but then he knowingly destroyed Jonathan's relationship with Erina. It's so hard to trust him knowing that he can do something like that without feeling bad.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I can't believe you." Somehow, saying the words made them feel more true.

Dio frowned and silence fell over us for a few seconds. "I suppose it doesn't matter what I say at this point." His voice was unusually cold all of a sudden. "There's no use talking if you won't listen. We can reconcile when you're ready to believe my words." He peeled away from the door frame, turning away from me. Clearly the conversation was over.

Anger coursed through my body, sending a hot rush through my veins. I'm not listening? It's my fault for not believing in him? I heard everything he said, but it was hard to believe he cared when it was so easy for him to hurt people. It hurt me. And somehow that made it my fault for not believing him. My fault for not 'hearing' him It was as though he expected me to ask for his forgiveness. I didn't.

Instead, I wordlessly turned on my heel and walked to Jonathan's room, knocking on the door. I could feel Dio's eyes boring into me on me as I stood waiting outside. I glanced back to see him watching me with an impassive face. Was he angry? Sad? I couldn't tell. I didn't care. I shouldn't care, I thought. But part of me did care and despite all my anger it was hard to turn away from his eyes.

I finally heard Jonathan pull open the door and suddenly I was able to peel my eyes away from Dio. Jonathan wordlessly stepped aside so I could enter the room. I was glad to be away from Dio's piercing gaze. I closed the door behind me as Jonathan laid back on the bed. I could tell he'd been crying because of his swollen eyelids. His cheek also looked a bit bruised. Dio had gotten a few punches in on Jonathan's face, but it seemed the blonde had taken more damage than he'd dealt.

"I heard about what happened," I said. "I'm so sorry. You two were so good together."

Jonathan was still silent. Normally the boy always had something to say. I expected him to rant like he did when he was stressed or worried, but this silence was unexpected. It was honestly scaring me a bit. He seemed so different and it truly worried me.

Perhaps I shouldn't have made him think of Erina.

"I yelled at Dio." I started, unsure how to console my friend.

Jonathan finally spoke the first words I'd head since entering the room. "I know," he said with a small smile. It was not mirthful, but grateful. "I heard you."

Of course he did. Their rooms were right next to each other. But I felt a sudden wave of relief that he'd finally spoken.

"I'm sorry, Freya." Jonathan sighed. "I just . . . I feel terrible." He rested his forearm over his closed eyelids as if he was trying not to cry.

I gave him a reassuring smile that he could not see. "Don't apologize. I understand." I said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jonathan thought about it for a bit. Then he nodded. "I miss Erina." He began. "She couldn't even look at me today. I called out to her and she ran away. At first I thought I'd done something wrong. And then I heard what happened. I just felt so angry." Jonathan clenched his fist. "I should have wanted to comfort Erina, but the first thing I did was run home and confront Dio. I should have considered Erina's feelings more. I should have gone to her first instead of getting myself grounded."

I felt my heart sink like a stone thrown into water. Their pure love seemed to only exist within fiction and it had gone back to existing only in painful memory. I knew it hurt a lot. I'd forgotten the pain of such heartbreak, but I could easily empathize with the feeling of loss that was surely consuming his thoughts.

"You did what you could," I assured Jonathan. "I don't think Erina would have talked to you even if you chose to console her first"

"You're right . . ." Jonathan's voice was choked from anger and sadness. "It's all Dio's fault everyone's been leaving me. My friends, Erina. I don't want to be alone . . ."

My chest swelled with sudden emotion. "You're not alone," I said softly.

Jonathan nodded. "Thank you." He mumbled gratefully.

I stayed with Jonathan for the rest of the day. He cheered up quickly and after a while he was able to smile for real. But from that day on, it seemed like things only went downhill. That smile was wiped from Jonathan's face as he experienced more loss in the next couple of weeks.

First, Danny burned to death in the incinerator. Police claimed that a thief had thought Danny was a guard dog. Danny had managed to protect the house with his sacrifice, the police said. There simply wasn't enough time to steal anything after getting rid of Danny. But something felt wrong. I told Jonathan and he agreed, but he wouldn't tell me why. It seemed that he was very shaken up from Danny's death.

Then Erina moved away without saying a single thing to Jonathan. The boy hoped a bit of time and space would heal his first love's wounds and give her the courage to meet his eyes again. But now, it seemed that wish would never come true. The fact that she'd moved away seemed like an extra blow. Not only had she found herself unable to speak with him again, she'd also left so that she would never have to.

Jonathan cried until there was nothing left to cry about. When all his tears had dried, he said he would stay strong. He wouldn't let Dio play with his emotions anymore. Neither of us had really spoken with the blonde since the incident. Jonathan was still feeling the echoes of what happened, the memories hitting him like waves every time he saw Dio. I didn't speak with Dio simply because I refused to play into his hands anymore. He wanted me to forgive him and come crawling back with apologies and words of forgiveness. But I would not. Even if it took weeks, months, years, I would not.

Honestly, I felt betrayed. I knew that I shouldn't; Jonathan had told me all about Dio's darker side. I had known all along, but I didn't believe. Even with the proof before me in Jonathan's broken smile and Dio's own words, I couldn't forget that day at the carnival.

I could remember all the things we did and all the things he said to me. The soft smile on Dio's lips while we were at the carnival. The way he'd held my hand so we wouldn't lose each other in the crowd. He'd gotten me that stuffed lion because I wanted it, but tried to hide his kindness behind prideful words. He'd walked me home and kissed my forehead to bid me goodnight.

I could easily recall all those things, but I couldn't remember the feelings. My memories were as hazy as a dream that I had just woken from. Looking back, all my feelings just seemed like lies. Lies that Dio had created with his false pretenses. There was no warmth in those memories, yet I could still recall them with a strange fondness. Even when Dio had gone and destroyed all the warmth from those happy moments without a single care, I still wanted to see him as the person he was at the carnival. I wanted those happy memories back.

I shook my head. I had to face the truth: Dio was cruel and I was chasing something that was simply not there any longer. Dio had truly ruined everything.