Be Myself

chapter 1

I am in love with Jeongguk.

Easy enough to say in private. Where i know the truth already.

Less easy to say in our group of friends who assume im straight.

I dream about his lips. His skin. His hair. His body and in the privacy of my room where i pant his name as i touch myself its totally fine.

I mean as fine as it is to beay yourself off to the thought of your best friend.

When we are in school and Jin points out the "hot" girl checking me out. Less so.

Maybe its being friends with the same people forever that makes me nervous about just saying it out loud. No thanks im gay. Increasingly hard thing to say. Because shouldnt they see it? Should he notice?

"Taehyungie." Jeongguk whispers leaning sideways in his seat.

"What?"

"Youre doing blank Tae again. Are you confused?" He smells good. Insert wrecked emoji! Someone kill me.

"Tae really?" He waves his hand in my face. "No sleep again?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Im tired."

"Should come over tonight. I'll make sure you sleep!" He chuckles.

Im sweating. Wtf does that mean!?

"Tae you look like youre going to be sick!"

"Im fine. Um.. Miss can i use the restroom!?"

"Sure Taehyung." She waves me off with a slightly annoyed look for shouting out but im having a heart attack right now!

I scramble out of my desk and move quickly out of the room nearly tripping over my own feet.

Why is being around him so complicated. We are best friends! We have always been best friends.

It dawns on me now he meant that i sleep better at his house because his older brother is quiet where as my siblings are not quiet. In the slightest.

"Idiot!" I groan drinking some water from my hand.

"Yo Tae. Skipping?" Jin asks walking into the restroom.

"No. Just felt sick for a second."