Hold On, Forever

1

-Sway-

    A year and a half ago, I let my father go… I told Andy that I loved him, Andy told me that he loved me. Everyday my love for him has grown, and grown. My heart has opened up in ways that I never thought it could. My love for my friends have also grown. But recovery is a long, bumpy road. It isn’t easy, and it’s not just me who it isn’t easy for either. Andy too, dealing with my mood swings have brought him many headaches, and times where he had to go and excuse himself. For awhile I thought he did it because he was angry with me, and didn’t want to take it out on me in front of me. Until one day I found him crying… It broke my heart knowing that I was putting him through hell, and that he was in pain because of how hard things were for us. We use to have sex everyday, now it’s not as often… That’s hard for him, but Andy has stayed faithful, and I love him for that. God I love him so much, so damn much. Taylor is begging for me to go to therapy, so is Andy. My mood swings aren’t normal… There’s moments where I’m so happy, I feel like I’m flying… And then there are days where I don’t want to leave the bed. I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t want Andy around me, or anyone for that matter. That’s why this whole thing is really taking its toll on Andy and I. I love him, so much, and I’m trying, I’m trying for him, for us, for my friends…. I’m trying.

    Today I got up at noon, I had been up all night, and didn’t fall asleep until 6am. Andy was long gone and had already left for work. There’s days that I go into work, and there’s other days that I don’t. It all just depends on my mood. As always on the night stand there was a note from Andy.

    ‘Good morning angel, as always you looked so peaceful sleeping. I hope you slept well. I will come home for lunch. I love you.’

    His notes always made me smile, that made my days better, and gave me the courage to try and have a better day. Everyday there was a note. Even if I was going to get up with Andy and go to work with him. He always made sure to wake up before me, so he could write something. Sometimes it just said I love you. Others it said I believe in you, and I believe in us. I don’t know what I did, to get so lucky to have a man like Andy. But damn, he really does love me. I grabbed the note, and reached under the bed, and grabbed my shoebox. I put the note in there with the rest of the notes.

    Since it was noon, Andy would be home soon, so I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom to clean myself up a bit, because today I had some energy even though I stayed up so late. I put my hair in a bun and put on a pair of leggings with one of Andy’s shirt. I didn’t bother with make-up Andy already thinks I’m beautiful without it. Just as I shut off the bathroom light and walked out, I heard the door open from downstairs. Meaning Andy was home.

    “Hi baby!” I yelled from upstairs as I walked out of our room.

    “Angel, I brought food.” Andy called back, I hurried downstairs, and met Andy halfway, our lips coming in contact as I gave him a kiss. “Hi beautiful.” Andy smiled.

    “What did you bring?” I asked him, Andy grabbed my hand and we walked to the kitchen. Andy put the bag down on the table. And took out soup from Panera. It was chicken noodle. “Awe, thank you baby.” I said kissing his cheek.

    “You are welcome Angel.” he said grinning.

    “So, how is work?” I asked him.

    “Good. I’m signing a new singer, she has a beautiful voice, and I think she’ll have a great future.” Andy said.

    “Yeah, what’s her name?” I asked, as I dipped my bread in my soup.

    “Gabbie Hanna, she’s already working on her own songs, she just needs someone to be signed too.” he told me.