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13. I Know You're Not Real

Spoiler alert for 'Operation : Dard and Devotion'. Do not read this poem if you haven't finished reading the book. Please.

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I can't keep all the pain in,
So I'll give a poem to you.
Yet my morality is torn into two,
Whenever I think about you,

I tried not to trust you,
How could I, with what you were?
But everytime you saved our girl,
I looked for you among others.

It tears my heart apart to know,
You both could have had a future together.
If only you didn't get stuck in the mess,
The mess that was created by your brother.

I wish you both had had a child,
Who would be with her after you were gone.
At least she could have a piece of you,
At least she would not have been alone.

You both may not have become parents together,
But you both did have a child.
Someone who called you 'Baba' and her 'Mama',
In his voice that was very mild.

You three were a small little family,
Brought together by fate.
There may not be any blood relation,
Yet you were each others' mate.

You both were tied to each other,
In the worst of circumstances.
But if you knew what it'd grow into,
You won't have minded those chances.

You wanted to have eighty children,
But couldn't even have eight.
When I imagine it myself,
I think it would've been great.

Throughout the course of the journey,
Somehow you just grew.
So everytime I pray for my forgiveness,
I pray for your forgiveness too.

I know you're not real,
But I know someone out there is.
Stuck in your dirty shoes,
Wondering if right this is.
And that is what makes it,
Truly more painful.
To know that you're not real,
But someone out there is.

I wish we could have saved you somehow,
I wish there was another way.
As if it wasn't painful enough for us,
You were gone on your birthday.

You know what's most cruel of all?
The sound of your neck breaking.
I never knew books could make a sound,
For I most certainly heard it.

And I had to hear it not just once,
But it echoed in my mind till days.
I've been tortured by your book,
In so many different ways.

I doubt if I can stand someone,
With a name that of yours.
Without having a breakdown
Without losing it all.

After all that went wrong,
There's one thing that made it better.
She didn't marry after you,
So in Jannah (In Shaa Allah) you'll be together.

P. S.
She was right when she said,
Your sarcasm is more romantic.

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Written for yet another fictional character. I'm not gong to say who he is. Those who've read the book will know who I'm talking about. (If you know it, you know it.)

Written : 22/1/19
Published : 17/2/19

Edit (4/5/19): sprinkleofhayat, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you, all your readers love you, we ALL love you sooooo much. But more than anything, more than all the love we readers can bestow upon you, Allah SWT loves you much much more than that. More than you, me or any of us can ever imagine. There will be times when you'll feel low, but please know that He will always pick you up. He will never ever abandon you or let you down. No matter what ups and downs you face, no matter how difficult the trails get, don't ever lose hope. Please. And I pray with all my heart that He blesses you in absolute abundance with all the happiness and peace. Love you. A LOT. And if you ever need us, we are always there for you In Shaa Allah.