The Darkness Of My Mind

Broken Hearted Memories

The memories

They eat at me constantly

My mental health still suffering

My loss of appetite growing

The thoughts in my head whirling

The questions keep passing through consistently

I always wondered why you had to leave me

To tell you loved me then smashed my heart with a hammer like it didn't deserve it's beat

I picked up all the little pieces and handed them back to you

Wondering if you'd put them back together and make everything good as new

You threw the pieces back.

You denied any feelings you had.

After a year and two months we were done.

Officially. Done.

I picked up the pieces once more and put them in a bag.

Not looking you in the eye, as I feared my gaze would show how miserable I am.

I got up and walked off.

But I continued to turn around.

To make sure you were okay.

To make sure you were safe and sound.

You looked away from me and moved closer to another girl.

Signalling it was my time to leave.

With my heart in my hand and the tears on my sleeve

I started to walk away.

I stop in my tracks and turn around one more time.

To see you sad, to see the hurt in your eyes.

I tried to approach you, but your gaze became cold.

You avoided my questions, you avoided my love.

I pleaded and begged for you to smile.

And I told you it was gonna hurt every once and a while.

I told you I'm here for you, I know you're trying not to cry.

To hide the pain inside.

You apologized for something I still don't know.

Thoughts continue to spin, but the air continues to blow.

What was it you were sorry for?

My curiosity got the better of me

I began to ask you.

But you once again, told me to leave.

An apology out of nowhere.

How unexpected this was.

The hard headed, cold boy I grew to love had a heart of gold and a passion for baseball.

Yes, baseball.

I remember stupid details from which brand you prefer.

It was vans over Adidas.

Your favorite colors were red and blue.

You made up this word.

I could never spell it right.

It was lobskinarfalargan.

Or something along those lines.

I paid attention more than you think.

I promised you, I didn't lie.

You have this shirt that makes you look like Sulley from monster's inc.

It became your nickname for a while, I think.

Or when I was Belle and you were the beast.

Your whiskers made you look more like a cat.

It fit your personality better though, because the boy I knew was no beast.

The boy I know is still not one.

Sure, we had our differences and sure we used to fight.

And I'll continue to fight you on what I really feel inside.

Do you remember that time Rylan yelled third wheel? While we were cuddling under the tree outside of school.

Or when we kissed you'd make this 'mwah' sound.

It was the cutest thing to see, even better when heard.

You always had this hope in your eyes.

You always had this smile.

You had this way about you, that I couldn't quite describe.

Was it the way you talked?

Was it your smooth lies?

Was it the way you loved me?

Or how you said goodnight?

Was it the "I love you's"?

Or the "Hi's"?

Or the little goofy dances you'd do whenever your were happy.

Or the way you'd look at me when I had to say goodbye.

I don't quite know anymore.

All I can say is, I still miss you.

Always have.

Since the day you said we were done.

My pieces of my heart still throb when I'm near you.

And I know you'll never take me back.

Even out of pity.

Just know I love you still.

Times infinity.