Would you dream of me?

Chapter 1. Out Of Touch.

"Have you had anything to eat today?" A puff of smoke floated towards my face as my mother spoke. Toxic fumes fills up my lungs, I've lived with it my entire life so far. "Alexa?" Her voice broke me out if my trance. "Yes. I've had food. My throats dry but I can make the day. Can I have one?" I asked, referring to the packet of cigarettes in my mum's hand. My mum looked at me annoyed that I asked, "Yes. You may. But, when you get back home I expect the dishes to be cleaned," sighing I nod my head agreeing to her deal.
"Heard anymore from dad?" I ask, scared of her reply. Her face goes blank like a plain canvas. "Alexa- dont worry, we'll discuss it later," she takes another puff of her cigarette. I can hear her heartbeat from here...she's scared? Upset? I can't tell with her. "Well then...I'll go" I say with a long sigh. My mum just waves me goodbye as I exit the house. Am I going to school? Fuck no, why would I want to sit down in a classroom filled with zombies?
I walk to Zach's house, he's my best friend, me and him have similar issues. His grandad is a piece of history, the oldest person I know who is the same as us. He is always locked up in his room reading books about mythical creatures. His mind is filled with pointless knowledge about things that are impossible. He's helped me through so much! He's like my replacement grandad...mine was killed...
Zach's father is in prison for shoplifting...if they find out what he is hell will rain on his family. James, Zach's father, has always been the reckless type. I remember the police being at his door because he had drugs in his possession. Zach was put into care and that's when he went to live with his grandad.
As for Zach's mother we don't know much. All we know is that she disappeared one night...I remember Zach turning up to my house in tears. My mum cared for him as her own...better than she does for me.
I lit the cigarette and put it to my lips instantly warming me up from the cold. Its a long walk to Zach's and I didn't get a bus.

I wonder if my dad's ok.

I suddenly bump into someone and immediately apologise but they stop me in my tracks. "Alexa?" I turn around and realize that I just knocked into Jacob. Fuck. "What you doing? Shouldn't you be at home hun?" I stop and look him dead in the eyes. The fucking bastard. "Firstly, don't call me 'hun' secondly, stay the fuck away from my mum you prick!" He just laughed. His eyes flashed. "You do realise that I technically hold a claim on her? She's mine. And anyways, I'm not going to get her, its the pills I want." I sneered at his words. He's a fucking liar. "I can tell that you're lying you know. You're easy to read. Stay away from my house!" I say before running off to Zach's.
Jacob raped my mum a few years back and promised to stay away from us. He 'claimed' her. She's already taken. He just wants her for the pills...they're hard to come by and we are the only ones who know who to get them from.
I arrive at Zach's house and knock on the door. It opens to reveal a tired looking boy, Zach. "Alexa! Its you! Grandad! Look its Alexa!" I laugh as he hugs me and allows me inside. His shaggy black hair is still unbrushed and his pericing blue eyes stand out like a sore thumb like the bags under his eyes. He sits me down and I put out my cig. "What's been going on then Al?" Zach asks. His voice is so calming...I could sleep to it. "I've been okay. Just the usual. How about you huh?" He looks at me surprised, "you haven't heard about Zoe?" I look at him confused, "Zoe?" I repeat. He laughs, "yeah, she's my girlfriend" I smile through the pain. Why does this hurt so much? What am I feeling? "Girlfriend? Cool... what's she like?" I ask trying to hold back the tears. "She's nice. We've been talking for a while" I laugh nervously. "I should go. It was nice seeing you again...I've got to get to work" without listening to him I leave the house. As soon as I run out the door my cheeks become enveloped in tears. Ugh. Fuck emotions.
Why can't I be like my mum? Bland and emotionless. Why do I have to care about people? Its not fair.
I wipe my face and go into the woods. No one an see me there.
I make my way to a hidden bridge that is covered by grass and trees. My dad used to take me here all the time before he left. I loved him. He cared. He taught me. But then he had to leave. Mum was upset. She didn't show it but you could tell. He has to be ok for mum's sake. She won't be ok if anything happens to him. He just has to keep his mouth shut. One thing he's not good at.
I'm waiting for something. For my life to change. I'll be smiling somewhere one day. There will be a day where I don't have to be afraid of the people around me, or the things in my head. Its so stressful...knowing that your life and the people you care about are hanging on a rope that you are holding and a gun put to your head, one mistake and everyone you love including yourself dies. I constantly feel like my chest is being pulled by strings and Zach's the puppeteer. He's been there for me for so long...I never expected him to fall for someone other than--hes just so--fuck! Snap out of it! You can't fall for him! Get your head straight! I've been sitting here for ages... listening to the birds and the stream crashing on the rocks, watching the fish swim up stream and the sun hit the high points if the waves.
Everything feels oddly calm. Maybe I should look around more.