The Broken Ballerina | Wanda Maximoff [slow updates]

chapter four

"The girl tried to warp my mind. Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty," Thor informed.

A flash of blue reached me, shoving me into the wall. I cried out in pain, whatever I had injured before had become worse. I had had worse, I reminded myself, trying to push myself up. 

A flash of red was the last thing I saw. 

"Again," a voice demanded. 

I turned to the voice and saw my old teacher. I nodded, beginning the pirouettes again. 

Five. 

Ten. 

Fifteen. 

My foot fell, I had failed. I blinked, noticing the ceiling above me. I was lying down and there was pain. So much pain. 

I whimpered as I felt the pain shoot up my body.

I was silenced as the pain subsided, the room now dark. There was only a dim light ahead. I sat up slowly, limping towards the figure at the end. 

I felt the familiar cool metal against my skin. I glanced down to see a gun resting in my right hand. I frowned. 

"Shoot them." 

My head shot up. Madame B stood next to me, another person ahead of me with a black bag onto their head. 

I gulped, raising the gun and following her orders.

Red.

So much red. 

"No," I sobbed.

Nat stood ahead of me, staring blankly, blood seeping from her head, her chest, everywhere.

"You killed us," she screamed. 

Her hand caught alight before it spread everywhere. 

I screamed. 

"Natalia," I yelled. 

The fire spread closer to me and I watched as it surrounded me. I was hopeless. I felt useless. I was a monster. 

"You can't control it, silly girl," a voice taunted. 

I remembered that voice, but from where?

"It controls you and one day it will kill you," it told.

"No," I whimpered, I fell to the ground, staring at the person standing over me. They had no face. "No," I cried, the pain returning. 

"Accept it," the voice whispered, the person above me not moving. The voice came from them but they had no mouth. 

Then the seizure started. I convulsed as pain spread throughout my body, eyes rolling back. I couldn't breathe. 

Then it was black. 

---

I didn't know how I got onto the helicarrier but I awoke from the nightmare to see the familiar metal container. Apparently, I was the last to wake.

"You started having a seizure after I found you," Clint informed from his place by the wheel. I glanced up, frowning. "You haven't had one since you were-"

"I know," I muttered. "She showed me something that triggered it," I explained, looking back down to my hands that were holding my knees that I had hugged to my chest. 

"Anya-" Clint began. He was cut off as I glanced up at him, my eyes pleading for him to drop the subject. 

I glanced around, my eyes landing on the rest of the team, all of them holding the same expression. Their eyes were blank as they stared ahead, their minds reeling with whatever they had seen. 

I wanted to hit myself. How could I be so consumed in my own thoughts? My own problems? When everyone else had gone through the same thing. My nightmare was probably nothing compared to theirs. It was nothing that I didn't know. I was dangerous. I was a monster. I could hurt someone if I wasn't careful. Why was I even a part of the Avengers?

I blinked rapidly, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. I didn't deserve to cry. I couldn't cry. I wasn't weak. I wasn't at a bad enough point to cry. 

Steve had lost everyone. 

Thor was away from home. 

Bruce had another person within him that he couldn't control, one that he created to do good and that had backfired. 

Nat had been in the Academy and gone through worse than me. She must have done. 

Tony lost his parents. He had anxiety and so much more. 

Clint had a family to think about, one that could be in constant danger. 

I had no reason to feel bad for myself. That's what I had to keep telling myself.

"I know that look," I heard a voice tell.

I looked up to Steve. He had walked over to me as I had been lost in thought. 

"Your emotions are valid," he reassured. 

"No they're not," I whispered, my voice cracking. "How could the emotions of a monster be valid?" I added. 

"Anya..." he trailed off, his eyes filled with pity. 

"Leave me alone," I demanded, my voice still weak. He tried again. "Please," I begged. 

He nodded, leaving me be. 

I swallowed hard, suppressing the sob that was building up in my throat.