A New Beginning

~~Rin~~

I'm at the coffee shop.

I read the text over and over. My legs pick up a pace on their own, hastily making their way to said coffee shop where we agreed to meet up. While my body moves ahead, my mind wonders back – to those days we spent together in Samezuka, then even further back – in Sano. How long has it been since I last saw him? Why hasn't he contacted me all this time I was in Sydney?

A stack of letters flash before my eyes – written with inexperienced hands and childlike innocence, filled with good wishes, then concern, then understanding – none of which got a reply.

I grimace. Of course he didn't.

With a sigh I unlock my phone. The text shines brightly before my eyes again. I swiftly tap out a reply and hit send.

Almost there.

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"It's about Sousuke-senpai."

"..."

"He's in Tokyo right now... and we wondered if it might be to have surgery on his shoulder. Just thinking about it worries me."

"What do you think Rin-senpai?"

"..."

"Well... he's walking the path he feels is right for him. I know he'll be fine. So you guys don't need to worry."

Heh! I told those two not to worry. And here I am, worrying myself sick over him. That Sousuke! He didn't even tell me he's having a surgery. Hasn't changed a bit, has he? Always carrying the burden on his own like a stubborn bastard!

But if he hasn't told me... does it mean he doesn't want me to know? Or maybe he didn't find it necessary to let me know. Maybe I'm not as important to him as I think. Or... perhaps the surgery went wrong somehow and he can't swim anymore so he didn't tell me?!

Just like that time.

Ah! What the hell! I can just ask him how the surgery went and it'll be alright. But... how do I ask him when he hasn't told me anything yet? For all I know, he still thinks I have no idea about it. And that's not all either. There's a part of me – a tiny insecure and scared part of me – that's afraid to hear the answer. Afraid of seeing that painful and defeated smile on his face again.

I love his smiles the most. But not that particular one. I hate that one.

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I see it just as I turn the next corner. The coffee shop.

Sousuke – he must be inside. I can see him if I just go in. Just the thought of it makes my heart speed up. Not that I'll ever admit to it.

The door jingles softly as I push it open. A pair of eyes locks with mine and suddenly all I can see is ocean green. My heart keeps thundering while relief and a sense of overwhelming happiness fill my chest. Ten months. Ten months of staying away and burning with longing. Ten months of forcing myself to not think about him too much. Ten months of hard work and pain and loneliness.