A Midsummer Night's Dream

Act 4

BOTTOM: (Shakes his head) No, no, thank you! I'm rather tired all of a sudden, tell your fairies not to bother me while I take a nap.

TITANIA: Of course, of course. Leave us be, fairires!

(Fairies leave.)

TITANIA: (Plays with his hair or fur or whatever) I'm absolutely mad about you. Did know that, too?

(PUCK walked across stage, in front of everyone and breaking the forth wall. He carried a sign that said, "SOME TIME LATER". TITANIA curled up beside BOTTOM and fell asleep.)

OBERON: (Watching intently as PUCK arrives) Can you believe this? I was watching her fawn over that donkey headed freak some minutes ago. She was caressing his head and weaving flowers into his hair! When I mocked her for it, she just told me to bear with it! Asking all soft-like. She has to realize deep down she's absolutely nuts! Well, I asked her this time to give me the Indian boy, and she just gave him up! He's in my bower now, back in fairyland. (Takes out a vial) I'll be removing the spell. You better get rid of that donkey's head, too! None of them will remember a thing when they wake, part of the spell. That way they'll get home all fine and dandy.

(OBERON went to the sleeping couple and dropped the antidote into TITANIA'S eyes.)

TITANIA: (Wakes up) Ah, it's you. You know, I had the queerest dream that I fell in love with a donkey headed human! Of all things!

OBERON: (Smiles cheekily) Yeah, no. That wasn't a dream. Look beside you, dear.

TITANIA: Oh, goodness! (Stands up and away from BOTTOM quickly) How could this happen? With a hideous creature too!

OBERON: (Laughs) Never mind that. Let's play some music, might wake all these mortals strewn around the woods.

PUCK: A'ye, let them wake and see things through their own eyes! (chuckles)

OBERON: Let them rest. Tonight, let's celebrate the upcoming festivities, and tomorrow we head to Theseus' home and bless the newlywed couple. And see that these young'uns are married, too, to tie a nice knot in this bewildering story.

SCENE 3

HIPPOLYTA and THESEUS were strolling in the woods, EGEUS and PHILOSTRATE nearby. They see the four of the love square.

THESEUS: Who're these?

EGEUS: What the- It's my daughter! And here are LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, and her friend HELENA! What are they doing out here?

PHILOSTRATE: They must have stayed up celebrating May Day and fell asleep here! EGEUS, wasn't it your daughter who had to decide whether she'd marry that DEMETRIUS kid?

EGEUS: (grimly nods) Yes, indeed.

THESEUS: So we must wake them and find out her decision.

(PHILOSTRATE and EGEUS went and woke the youngsters up. They promptly got up and dusted themselves.)

LYSANDER: I'm s-sorry, sir. We-

THESEUS: Aren't you and DEMETRIUS rivals? I'm curious, what events led to you sleeping within a foot of each other without attempting to murder the other?

LYSANDER: This is going to sound insane, but... (deep breath) I don't remember. HERMIA and I were going to meet to run away—

EGEUS: See! He admits it! He was going to rob DEMETRIUS of a wife, and me of a daughter!

DEMETRIUS: (Nods) Yes, I know. HELENA warned me and I came here to stop them, and then... (shakes his head) suddenly I just don't love HERMIA anymore. I love Helena now, and I'll love her forevermore.

THESEUS: (Shakes his head) Unbelievable. Sorry, EGEUS, but I believe some higher power must have been at work here. Darling, let's scrap this outing and go back to my- no, sorry- our palace and see these loving couples wed and have a party.

(THESUS, PHILOSTRATE, HIPPOLYTA, and EGEUS left.)

DEMETRIUS: Am I still dreaming, or did Theseus invite us to his palace to party?

HELENA: (dreamily) It all feels like a dream, me and DEMETRIUS.

LYSANDER: We did dream, I think, but I don't really remember.

HERMIA: Well, weddings were mentioned and I certainly did not dream that, so why don't we go to THESEUS's house and tell our dreams as we go?

SCENE 4

BOTTOM lay motionless on the ground.

BOTTOM: (Wakes up and groans) Agh, why am I here? Did the guys really just ditch me? (Yawns and rubs eyes, looks around and starts walking off stage) What a donkey I am, dreaming that I fell in love with a fairy queen! As if!