Tell, Don't Show

Call Me

CAST:

Sophia Bush as Kelsey

Ryan Reynolds as Bruce

Call Me

"A shot of tequila and a mug of beer please.  I'm not picky about the brand."

"You're in a bar wearing a wedding dress."

"Thank you for reminding me, Captain Obvious."

"Why pray tell are you in a bar with a wedding dress on?" 

"What's it to you?"

"Just making conversation."

"Well do me a favor and make it with someone in a better mood.  I count...eleven other patrons in this bar.  Go chat them up."

"Maybe I prefer to chat you up.  What's your name?"

"Nunya Business."

"Interesting name.  My name is Bruce.  So Nunya, is today your wedding day?"

"No.  I'm so excited about Halloween that I'm dressing up two months early."

"Is Sarcastic your middle name by any chance?"

"A couple more shots please.  Look Bruce, I'm sure you're an okay guy, but I want to be left alone.  All right?

"Do you usually drink that much?"

"Why?  You wanna be my sponsor?  Should we invite the other eleven patrons over for my intervention?"

"Just asking."

"Last alcohol I had were frozen margaritas at my bachelorette party last week.  Before that champagne at my dad's fifty-third birthday party a couple months back."

"Then I suggest that you slow down.  And you're petite so it won't take long for that tequila to zoom through your system."

"You let me worry about my system, Bruce." 

"Sure, Nunya."

"So what happened?"

"Aargh!  Really man?!"

"I think you need to talk."

"I think you need to bite me."

"Feisty!"

"Nosy!"

"Nunya, why aren't you getting married?  Trust me, it's better to talk than to drown your troubles in tequila and beer." 

"Fine.  If you must know, I walked in on my betrothed and my maid-of-honor, my freakin' maid-of-HONOR who is also supposed to be my best friend, in a compromising position about half an hour before our nuptials!"

"Oooh..."

"Oh?  That all you got, Bruce?"

"Are you sure?"

"His pants were around his ankles and I highly doubt she was giving him a testicular exam."

"Did they see you?"

"Yes, the abundant use of profanity effectively made my presence known.  That and chucking a large glass vase of flowers in their direction."

"Did it hit them?"

"I wasn't a softball pitcher during my teen years for nothing."

"Good job, Nunya.  Not that their behavior would have been acceptable anywhere, but in a church of all places?"