A Book of Wonders

Forced

Type: Poem/Short Story
Made Myself
Extra Info: If you dislike things such as gore or war-since this is lightly based off of WWII-please DON'T READ

Every single day, I'm forced to do as I'm told.
Every single day, I see people keep their heads down, afraid of what I might do, if they make me mad.
I can't deny what I see.
I see people, violently getting pulled away from their homes, if you could even really call them that.
I see kids, getting questioned and snarled at by other soldiers, for the simple reason that they cannot answer a question.
I don't blame them.
How could I?
They hear of all the horrific things we do.
If I could, if I had any little say in this, I wouldn't have to think twice before coming with them.
Strip me of my guns, take away every little bit of sanity I have left, just please. Please let me protect them.
Of course, if I were to say this, my family, would die.
So, I do what I'm told.
I take people, make them slaves, or give them to those who will torture them, with no mercy.
All because I'm a coward.
I could end it all,
Kill myself,
Free them.
But knowing the man in control, he would kill everybody else they took.
I tried once, to calm down a small family.
Two kids, one girl and one boy, around 5 and 7.
One brother, around 16.
All put under the influence that they were going to go somewhere horrible.
And they weren't wrong.
I was at least able to speak to the little ones, telling them that they were going to be with their family.
The adorable toothy smiles they gave are something that I'll never be able to forget. But apparently someone saw me, and reported me.
I'm probably always on watch because of me simply trying to calm down some kids.
Whilst I was getting yelled at by our leader's second in command, they brought the kids, and the teen.
Whatever they were going to do to them, was going to be cruel and unforgettable.
And it was.
They made me shoot them in the head.
I couldn't cry, they broke almost everything inside of me.
But the screams and red blood slightly splashing as oldest sibling cried is something that I will never be able to get out of my head. It's an image that forever haunts my mind, no matter what I do.
The boy said something to me, 'I can see the pain, I can see the struggle. But know, I would've done the same. To protect the only ones I care about. To protect the only thing that means something to me. Just please, tell my family that I tried my very best. Tell them, that they won't have to worry about us anymore.'
Bang.
Just like that, almost nothing was left.
There was nothing left to break, except for the love of my family, and the hatred for these awful people.
One of the other soldiers, told me that everyone was dead.
Everybody that our leader took to keep us here as soldiers, were dead.
'Drip drop, drip drop goes the water.
Ting tang, ting tang goes the pipes.
Drip drop, ting tang, drip drop, ting tang goes the beautiful harmony of the water and pipes.'
Something my mother said to me when I was young.
One, two, three, four tears.
That night, I planned.
I planned in my head of course, but I had gone over it so many times that it seemed as known to me as how to talk,
But even that's starting to leave me too.
Another day, another family taken away in trucks, filled to the lip.
Since I was a 'good', I managed to drive the truck.
The soldier who told me about my family had killed himself.
Since I knew he was like me, we were going to free all of them together, but know I have this idiot on the tailgate, occasionally yelling, laughing when they flinched.
The camp.
Get out, grab a family, push them into the entrance.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
I head out to the truck-
Nothing's here.
I bet the idiot took it.
Or could it be a test?
I walk to the camp, ask the leader here if I could talk to some people.
Luckily, he wasn't paying to much attention so I was able to get in.
After looking around and seeing all of the disgusting horrors, it makes it look like the tents I sleep in are 5-star hotels.
People piled up, ripped clothes, crying children and adults, once in a while-the growl of a stomach.
All of them, skin and bones. All of them, broken.
All of them, lost.
I see a grieving couple, both of them look like the kids.
I walk over to them.
They stop. Slowly look up. All I see, is pure and utter fear in their eyes.
"Do you have one daughter, and two sons?"
I see the fear slowly shift to joy, confusion, then lastly, pain.
Twice, they nodded.
"Your oldest told me to say he did his best. That you won't have to worry about them."
One simple question-What happened?
I couldn't bring myself to answer, so instead I walked away, quietly giving them the plain simply truth, that I, a monster, shot the only thing that they clung on to-hope.
The only thing that was truly left of me.
I had destroyed them.
The leader of the camp, asked me what I was doing.
I pushed him aside, not wanting to relive the look of pain and utter disbelief that flashed through their faces.
He stopped me- telling me he couldn't telling me he couldn't take it anymore.
He was going to free them.
Just like the kid, he told me he saw something broken in me-something that couldn't be fixed no matter how hard I tried.
At least I know that if I do this, families will be safe, and I can slowly build up the hole that stretches as each day passes.
Slowly, quietly, we walk into the same place I was at a few moments ago.
Slowly, quietly, he tells them our plan.
He had no backup whatsoever, if we got caught-it was over for everyone here, including ourselves.
I had this feeling that I could redeem myself, even though what I was thinking was so outspoken and ridiculous it is.
I didn't think, the words just pour out of my mouth.
I don't hear anything though, it all sounds muffled.
He slowly looks at me, shaking his head, replying-
"That's-that's absolutely insane! I can't use you like that! You must have something to live for right?"
Now that I truly think about- what is there that's left for me?
I could try to find someone, but I wouldn't be able to tell them of all of the monstrous things I have done and encountered.
I could never live a life full of truth.
"There's nothing, I did something horrific and I must repay or all of those I've hurt. I cannot live knowing that I killed children, brought families to there own Hell, and couldn't stop somebody who had a brilliant future. Besides, it'll only be if something actually goes wrong, which I quite highly doubt."
Everything we need to do was in place, but apparently this feeling in my stomach was right.
It was a test.
As we speed through on the man-made dirt roads, I saw another truck.
I head out to the very end of the truck, after telling the my new partner something-a secret road that I saw once, and always had remembered.
He nods, telling me to be safe.
Safe.
Is there a way to be safe in a situation like this?
Is there a way to be safe throughout your life, or do you just take the easy way out?
If that's the case, then I am.
There's almost no chance that I'll survive.
People move around me, so I won't step on them.
I say what I'm sure is to be my last words.
"I owe every single one of you. Especially the parents of the kids I killed. Just know, that I'd do anything to protect you all, know one deserves to die based on simple things like beliefs, so I'll end saying this.
I hope that this doesn't go in vain. And if so, then know that me and my partner tried our best."
I heard gunshots and I knew it was time.
I went over to the tailgate and let it fall down, after making sure that everybody had themselves covered.
I stepped on the very edge, holding my arms out wide.
Multiple bullets shot through me, the burning sensation spreading like wildfire.
Five bullets.
They were running out, only having eight bullets each-sixteen total.
So far, nine bullets.
Only seven more.
I felt like screaming, I felt like running away, but I couldn't be a coward.
So instead I stood there, feeling every shot.
"Let me die, knowing that I protected innocents, and saved their lives. Let me die."
Two left.
One.
Zero.