Living Again~ Two

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Betrayed and alone, yet again. What was I thinking?

As I gasped for breath, I knew my body was shaking all over. I wasn't sure why, it was either because of how deeply hurt I was or because I was freezing. It could also be because on top of that, I've been running for so long. I wonder how many bruises I have by now. I lost count on the number of times I have tripped in this rain. Finally, as I reached the spot, I stopped to catch my breath.

It was raining quite heavily, and I certainly wasn't ready to face my housemates. It was so foolish of me to talk to them. I'm such an idiot. I got tricked so easily. Am I really that desperate for company? I didn't have to answer that question. It was so obvious.

Then it hit me. Everyone knew he won't turn up. Everyone- besides me. It was all planned. That's why those girls were giggling. They knew too. Rebecca was just mocking me; she wasn't trying to be nice. I bet everyone in school knows, and they're all going to be waiting to see me tomorrow. To see how it has affected me. I guess I was invisible for so long and I was too comfortable that way. You see, they just had to shake things up a bit. They couldn't see me satisfied, they just had to bring up a situation and make me react to it. They just had to. Tomorrow I'll have to go to school and face them. Now they'll know how vulnerable I am once that mask is removed. They'll all be looking at me and whispering, pointing and laughing. They know they've broken a small part of the wall. Actually, it's more like they've drilled a huge hole in it and now they are taunting me from the other side.

I took out my mobile phone to distract myself. I needed to call someone. I was stuck in this rain, my clothes were dripping wet and all I could do was escape to my special place. The one place where I didn't have to pretend everything was fine and I wasn't crippling inside. No one comes here; they usually hang around the open area in the park. But one day I just kept walking further into the trees and wandered into a small opening which only has a bench and a little waterfall. The place looks old, but in my opinion, with the overgrown tree looking like and umbrella over the bench, it has a certain beauty to it. The grass may not be as green in this area as the rest of the park. It may not look lush and warm. To some, it might actually feel dark and haunted, but I loved this place. It's like my secret hide-out. I knew no one would find me here.

As I sat on the bench, I could hear the raindrops patter as they hit the ground below me, forming a puddle. I stared at the mobile screen. Who could I call? I couldn't call my aunt or uncle because I don't want them worrying about me at this time. They probably have better things to do since they are always busy with their jobs. They have told me to only call in case of emergencies. I'm not sure if this counts as an emergency. I'm certainly not in any trouble; I can go back to my apartment whenever I want. But I won't. I'm sure those stupid girls will be sitting right there, waiting for me to return so they can witness my reaction and report it to the others. So for obvious reasons, I wasn't going to call any of them. I have no one, no one at all.

I scrolled down my contact list and came across 'Dad'. So I did exactly what I would do if things were the same. I called him. I cried even harder as the phone kept ringing but no one picked up. This was the moment when I needed my protective father the most. I needed him to come to me right away and wrap me in his arms and tell me that I'm safe. I wanted him to come here and take me home, a home where my mom would be waiting for me anxiously. And as soon as I step in she would hug me so hard I'd be struggling to breathe. Then she'd scold me for giving her such a heart attack and make me promise never to do something so reckless. My father would eventually calm her down and we'd go have ice-cream, my favourite comfort food, to forget about the whole event.  

As I sat on the bench hugging my knees tightly to my chest, I knew this would never happen again. I should be getting up and heading back. But I just sit there; staring at the puddle as it slowly gets bigger and bigger. I don't know how long I did that for but it eventually stopped growing as the rain ceased. I knew it was late now because my eyes were getting droopy. I lie down on the bench and crouched my body so I wouldn't fall off. I knew no one would come looking for me tonight. The guardians only check on the students on weekends.

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