Abducted By The Goth Detectives

the new home

New beginnings. Not always good, but not always bad either. It's conflicting when you go from a home where you're not comfortable sharing your thoughts to living with two of the strangest men ever and not knowing where you stand with them. On one hand, I feel homesick staying in a bizarre house with two even more bizarre men, but on the other hand I feel that my true fate was to stay clad in black and have chains dangling from my waist. Edgy as fuck, I know, but what would you expect? Russel Brand and Noel Fielding brought me into their home and treat me like their own. It makes sense that I go from a law graduate to a big titty goth side bitch in a matter of weeks. not saying I'm big titty, but I mean I'm thin passing so I suppose I'm 'average titty' instead.

Anyway, in my constant state of delirium, I end up doing some stupid shit. since they 'accidentally' hurt me in the process of bringing me home to be their pet (i can't really remember) they gave me some pretty high doses of morphine. standard for an injury they classify as 'icky', but since it was an ongoing procedure that lasted a week (something I also don't remember very well) when I finally came to my senses I needed it just to feel okay. when I first saw them in my new habitat, it went a little like this.

It was dark, not like night time dark, the room had maroon curtains, but when I opened my eyes from what felt like a nightmare, I felt trapped. My body felt heavy, I couldn't feel anything holding me down like ropes or chains, but my body felt like it was completely falling into the giant bed and I was completely weighted down.

I felt confused, like I had no idea who I was or where, but I did know that I felt heavy and I wanted to move.

"H-" I coughed. my throat was dry and felt like sandpaper. "hello? is there anybody here?" I shouted, trying to sound calm but knowing that there was no way I was hiding my emotions this time.

There was distant yelling and footsteps thumped towards me.

The fuck?

The door opened, very loudly might I say, and in comes two men of black hair, one wearing black underwear and a Rolling Stones tank top , the other in a dark blue, fluffy bathrobe. both of them looks shocked but still pleased and one of them has a very cheeky grin on his face. 

"'ello" the one in the Rolling Stones tank top said brightly.

"Hi.. um might I ask, where the fuck am I?" I exclaimed rather desperately.

The two exchanged looks, then the one in the bathrobe, with curly hair, looked at me.

"you're in our home, we saved you from your old life, a boring and inexcusably horrible life that you would eventually lead. so we have chosen you to become our new muse. we want you to have fun here and it is not fair for you to go about as a traditional housewife when you can spend the rest of your days as a special character in our little narrative. do you agree with our terms?" he asked me, playing with my hair while the other dude in the tank top and leather underwear stood there and watched the engagement unfold.

"well, what are the terms?" I asked, slightly terrified but mostly curious.

"you do what we say unless you have a strong objection to it, in which case you must state your reasoning. other than that, just have a good time, don't do anything too normal and don't be uptight about everything, yeah?" the guy with the curly hair responded.

Yeah I could roll with that.

I nodded my head. I didn't really have huge plans for the future, I just wanted to be rich mostly and have a dog, and my family didn't really care about me much anyway, so as long as I was allowed to contact them and tell them I was okay, then it wouldn't really matter to me.

"great. now, are you hungry?" curly hair asked me, no longer playing with my hair.

was I? I didn't really know, but I could still eat. these guys looked pretty wealthy, so I figured they probably had some good shit in the cupboards.

"yeah, but what are your names first? I want to know who you are before we carry out whatever exchange this is." 

The two exchanged glances before curly hair piped up and said,

"I'm Russel, and this here is my partner in crime, Noel." he grabbed Noels hand by everyones surprise and kissed it.

Uhhh okay. So they're an item. Good to know.

"can you walk?" Noel asked me.

Noel had hair even weirder than his leather panties. It was slightly spiked up with layers and layers of raven black locks. A sight not like any other, if I do say so myself. He was very pale and wore eyeliner which probably didn't help either. He was just so monochrome that if I didn't know better and wasn't a logical thinker, I would have thought he was a vampire.

I moved my legs as much as I could, and with all my strength, I moved my whole body and flung my legs over the side of the bed. I then stood up shakily, steadying myself on the wall, and took a nervous step.

I could walk. Hooray. Good.

With Russels support, I walked downstairs and towards a big kitchen with marble benches and wooden flooring.

"what do you feel like?" Noel asked me, opening a cupboard while Russel sat me down on a bright green chair.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"steak, I guess." I replied.

Noel nodded his head slowly and looked in a massive freezer in the corner. He then proceeded to pull out a plastic bag with a singular piece of meat in it.

"how may pieces?" He asked, putting the bag on the bench.

"just one." I smiled as Russel took a seat beside me.

"and how do you like it?"

"medium rare, like most people."

Noel started cooking my steak while Russel asked me questions. things like 'do you like realistic or abstract art?' and 'how do you feel about violins?'

In the coming days, the two of them tended to my every need while I tried to gain control of my body again. sometimes my head hurt a lot, so they would inject me with some morphine and I would feel a lot lighter and care a bit less about everything.

They gave me clothes, not like some of the crazy shit they tended to wear, but they gave me shit like jeans and t-shirts, which I was reluctant to wear at first since I hadn't worn much of that sort since my emo days when I was a teenager, but I grew to like it and preferred it over my vintage shit and bralettes that I used to wear.

as of now, about a month into living with them, I spend my days reading biographies of random people the two of them deem important, posing for a painting Noel's been working on for the last couple of weeks and watching the news. I've mostly managed to put my old life behind me, thanks to their help. I feel more confident now. They do take me out sometimes for little shopping trips and since they're both 'comedians' I go to some of their shows to watch from backstage.

Every now and then, they get me to do weird stuff. like... kinky stuff, which I've gotten used to now.

one time, I explicitly remember, Russel had me tied to a chair and force fed me chicken nuggets for a few hours until I was so full I was about to puke. But then he carried me to the couch and rubbed my stomach for a long time and whispered cute things to me. they never asked for actual sex, according to them that would happen 'later on'.  Every night, they would give me some more morphine, some other random drugs that I trusted weren't lethal but did give me a mean ass high and I would pass out feeling like the queen of the world.

And that is where the real story begins. with tummy rubbing, drug taking and posing for paintings. 

*this isn't going to be a serious fanfic, just to be clear. I'm doing this to pass the time until the chlorine MV is released, so don't be surprised when it doesn't fit their personalities much and when it's hella short.*