Stolen Hearts (2012 Wattys Finalist)

Chapter 19 - All She Wants

She took a deep breath and said, "I understand why you don't want to be with me. I don't want you to either. I would never want you to do anything you don't want to. I would never want to hurt you like that. It's just that –," then she started crying and he felt a terrible pain in his heart knowing she'd just spoken from personal experience.

She managed to recover a little and continued through her tears, "It's just been really hard for me. I know you want me to pretend like things are like they were before. I'm sorry, Robert. I can't do it. What happened that night was so wonderful – so special for me. I mean – to find out that while I was hiding my love for you – maybe the whole time I was hiding my love for you – you were hiding your love for me." He looked up at her suddenly.

"And then when we – when we –. I never knew that when two people love each other it would be like that. It was so – perfect. That's why I can't pretend. Because I don't know – if I'll ever get to have that again – and it just hurts too much." She finally broke down and leaned over, sobbing into his blankets while he held her hands and looked at her, too stunned to say anything.

He wanted to deny it. He wanted to tell her she was dead wrong. But the words wouldn't come out. She was right. He did love her – a lot. He'd loved her for a long time. How could he have not known it before she said it? And she'd just put into words exactly how he felt that night when he laid on the rug in front of the dying fire while she slept in his arms. He'd never experienced anything that meaningful with a girl before. It had been perfect.

He looked at Georgie sobbing on his bed, her heart broken because of him, and he felt guilt and shame burn through him. How could he have let her suffer like this when he loved her so much? He gently pulled her to him so he could hold her. She put her arms around him, crying on his shoulder and he held her tightly, rocking her a little and shushing her, wanting desperately to make her feel better.

When she stopped crying and let go of him, she surprised him by moving back to where she'd been sitting, putting a space between them. She held his hands in hers again and looked like she was steeling herself before she spoke. He felt wary of what was coming next.

She started hesitantly, "The last three days have been so – so –. I just can't live with you like this anymore, Robert. I know it's been hard for you too. And now –." She started crying again. "Maybe you – you don't want to be around me anymore now that you know the truth. I think we need to figure out a way – to stay away from each other – at least for a while. I think we need to work out a – a schedule or – something," and then she leaned over sobbing in his blankets again while he held her hands, feeling like a complete shit.

He'd broken her heart and she was returning the favor by protecting him from the fallout. He didn't know if it was possible for him to have fucked things up more with her. Over the past three days, he'd thought this was about sex, but for Georgie, it'd been about so much more. It was no wonder she'd been in so much pain. And it was entirely his fault she'd been suffering like this. Not only had he caused this mess, he'd been too much of an idiot to realize what he'd done and tried to force her to forget instead of coming up with a solution from the very beginning.

Hearing her suggestion for how to fix the disaster he'd made, brought his mind into sharp focus. It was obvious things had permanently changed between them. They were never going to be able to go back to the way it was before. And she was right about the situation they were in now. He couldn't live like this with her anymore either. They had to find a new way to live together and there were only two options left for him – be with her, or not.

As he considered being in a relationship with Georgie, he could feel the trapped, panicky feeling rising up inside him as he imagined what would happen if the bastard found out. Then he considered the alternative, living side by side with her, but entirely isolated from her and alone. He couldn't bear the thought of it. He realized he loved her too much to be separated from her. It was clear he had no other choice now. He had to choose her and pray the bastard never found out.