Watch video for the lyrics
I cry.....not at school, alone.....alone in my closet, to which no one can hear me in there. I cry from all the suffering and pain that have came from the outside world and my friends. I think so much of helping others, I forget my own struggles in life. I can't take it anymore but I still endure the pain...Just like everyone else thinks I'm happy, at least I think so. I don't know. In this world of madness I can still only put others before myself, even if i die because of it. people say to put yourself before others sometimes, I can't do that, I never could. My friends at school think I'm always happy.....they don't know I always keep my mask on.
Mask : a covering for all or part of the face, worn as a disguise...I'm afraid of letting it go...people will think I'm ugly, I guess it's to bad I already am with the mask, the mask just helps me look happy and a little more pretty, it doesn't work mentally, it never has, it only hides your pain and, I'm always good at that though, I've basically have 14 years in training. Sometime ago I accidently let go of the mask, I never meant to on purpose, and because of that now I just wanna hide in the shadows, I don't want anyone to call my name or hear me cry. I am content the way I am, the way I shed tears alone. I've never told anyone that, I don't want anyone else to know that, because I want it to be a secret, but when I go back to school, my friends will ask if I'm okay, I'll answer the best way possible....with the answer
I'm perfectly fine
I'll continue to lie in front of their faces if it means I'll get away from seeking help. I can't do that, I can't get help, I don't want help. I'll have to tell people everything. I can't do that. I don't even know when it started to happen. I guess that means I've been in the obits for too long then. I don't mind that. I already have other problems with myself. No one seems to care about those, why would they care about this? I'm just a burden in this world, another piece of trash that someone was in to much of a hurry to remove from its life they throw it on the street. At the end of the day I'm going to go back in the closet and cry and get stressed over not the fact I don't have help or anything like that, imma get stressed over the fact someone might hear me. I am afraid of that, my most biggest fear, dumb now that I think about it, I have way to much self-conscious and self-esteem, that now I think of it I'm actually embarrassed for myself.....it's that dumb. I always try to hide my tears though, I cry ugly tears. There's nothing I can do about it though.
I can't wait to move away from America, away from my family, so far away I'll never have to worry about them hearing me cry.
