Late night thoughts

Forget-me-not

     Wrote 1/10/19 by: Alayna Stevens

Sorry this is all over the place that's just my mind set right now.

   Every night I tuck myself in and settle down to bed as I lay there trying to get comfortable my mind is running one thousand miles. Once I'm comfortable and all snuggled up, I begin to calm my thoughts. You want to know what my very first thought is?
       You, my very first calming thought is you. Your arms and smell, your smile and voice. I even play videos of us happy and the exchange of a playful "I love you."
I shouldn't, thinking of you hurts me a whole awful lot. I even sometimes pretend there isn't a not. That we are still happy, crazy probably but the hurt gets too much. My pain from the heart ache causes a lot, including tears and some snot.
       The longing I have to be in your arms to hear you say "I love you" is incredibly sad. Everyone constantly yells "JUST FORGET HIM AND MOVE ON" they don't understand why I cannot.
     My devotion for you is honestly quite sad. Even if you came running back after all this pain, I would take you back. I gave you my heart when I probably shouldn't have. I let my guard down way too much. I still want to just run up and kiss you. Knowing you already have moved along kills me so much more....like an extremely painful song.
    Holding onto each other forever is what was supposed to happen. I will never know why I wasn't enough. I suppose I never will be. I just want you and only you, but the fact is I have to get along with my life. Damaged and Broken so very much of me gone, I put 100% of myself into us and now I feel like my hearts been hit by a thousand pound bus but now it's gone.Torn and ripped to shreds every time I look at you. Why am I still so in love with you?
     Forget-me-not my love, for the flower you inhale will eventually go stale. I love you still, and always will. I'm here if you ever need me. Being so deeply in love with someone is so hard especially when they don't want you. I hope whoever you go to next will help you in ways I could not. I'm sadly still in  fucking love with you. Thank you for being my last happy thought before I close my eyes at night, and thank you for all of the amazing memories.
   The best of luck to you my love, I hope you're happier.
Don't forget to hold on forever....
I love you so so very much
   ~ The broken hearted promise