Truth about Collection Agencies

Hank, John, today’s topic: collection agencies.

I’ve worked at a collection agency for over three years.  Imagine having a job where you are hung up on, cussed out, sworn at, and lied to for twelve straight hours.  You’d raise your voice, too.  This isn’t a customer service job.  In fact, our collectors are encouraged to push you into making a payment on an account, regardless of your lost job, unemployment, or fixed income.  We don’t care if your ex is supposed to pay half of the bill or you moved and never updated your address. 

Our collectors won’t get in trouble for getting snotty with you.  The snarky collector Sarah that was rude to you?  We tell you we fired her.  In reality, she’s the voice you hear in the next cubicle answering the phone as Trisha. 

Before you get rude and nasty back, remember the representative you are talking to has access to all of your contact information.  Besides your address and home phone number, collectors have previously used credit card information, checking account numbers, social security numbers, health insurance information, and medical records.  Don’t want us to know about your vaginitis or cellulitis of the buttock?  Here’s a suggestion.  Pay your bill for before it goes to collections. 

But larger companies vet their employees and only hire trustworthy individuals, right?

Last year, my collection agency took incoming calls and represented ourselves as customer service reps of a large cable company.  Most of our collectors are single moms earning a flat $10 an hour.  They struggle financially without any support from their baby daddies who are locked away in prison for theft or selling drugs (I know—I see all of their prison letters in the outgoing mail). Remember that next time you are rude to a rep taking your credit card information.

So maybe you should ask for a supervisor to get someone more professional.  Nice try.  When you ask for a supervisor and I tell you she isn’t available, I’m not lying to you because I don’t want to get in trouble for having a sup call.  I’m lying to you because my boss told me to. 

Most likely my supervisor is standing over my shoulder listening as the conversation unfolds.  She’s telling me what answers to give so she doesn’t have to talk to you herself.  I would gladly send you to a supervisor just so I don’t have to deal with you anymore, but sadly, my sup won’t take you. 

And there’s very little a collector can actually do for you.  We don’t close accounts, we don’t offer charity care, and we don’t remove accounts from your credit report just because you asked.  My company won’t even remove a mark from your credit report if you pay in full.  If you ask nicely, we might waive the fee we charge on over the phone payments (Want our web addy so you can save five bucks?  I’ll give it to you but forget to mention there’s an Internet processing fee as well). 

If you ask nicely to waive this fee, I will put you on hold for a few moments while I pretend to ask my supervisor.  In reality I am talking to the person next to me or taking a bite of my lunch on my desk.  If you are rude, snotty, obnoxious, or use foul language, I will never waive your fee. 

For an agency that collects over one million dollars a month, you’d think we’d figure out a better way to have the following conversation:

Debtor: I want to pay my account in full.

Me: Let me transfer you to our collections department.

Debtor: There’s something wrong with that number.  It says the mailbox is full and hangs up on me.  Other times it just rings and rings.  I want to pay this bill.  Is there anyone I can actually speak to about my account?

I'd like to tell you the truth: that I can’t make anyone answer the phone.  I’m sorry the voicemail won’t let you leave a message, but it is probably best because we delete those messages every morning without listening. 

What I actually say: One moment please. 

Then I transfer you to the same number you dialed on your own and hope you don't call  back when no one answers. 

Hank, John, hope you enjoyed today’s topic of collection agencies.  Thanks for listening.