A Light in the Dark // Flicker Series Part I #wattys2019

Coffee

"I'll have to remember that then." He decides. "Guess I need to practice my french toast making skills as well." He chuckles.

I smile, knowing he's completely serious about carrying on this important tradition for me.

When we've finished breakfast, we sit back relaxing and sipping our lattes.

"Thank you for being so understanding last night." I say, seemingly randomly but it's been weighing on my mind to thank him again.

"I meant what I said Evie, I want you to tell me everything whenever you're ready." He squeezes my hand across the table. "That's what i'm here for."

"This is our special day and I don't want to ruin that, but if you're ok with it i'd like to tell you the story and get it off the table?" I ask and Niall nods for me to go on.

"Jaxon and I started dating our senior year of high school, and then through all 4 years of college. We had been friends since we were kids. He was the only person I had ever loved. We talked about everything and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives. We talked about marriage, our careers, how many kids we wanted, what kind of dog we would get... All of those questions you ask when you want to spend your life with someone." I pause, sighing at what comes next.

"I thought we would be together forever." I admit.

"About a year ago, I started to notice a personality shift. He's in med school, and as his work load shifted I just attributed the change to stress. About 6 months ago, we were in a bit of a rough patch just because we didn't have much time to give to our relationship. Rough patches happen, but I expected it to get better."

I glance up to meet Niall's eyes, and find him listening tentatively to every word that i'm saying.

"I came home one night, he had been drinking, he started yelling and it led to him saying we should take a break after asking me what he had to do to get me to need him again. I didn't understand what his problem was or why he seemed so angry with me. But if he wanted a break then I wasn't going to stop him. I deserve better than to be in a relationship on my own and I at least knew enough to have that much respect for myself."

Niall nods.

"In the year leading up to that, I noticed his shift in personality. He got increasingly more and more angry and became less the Jaxon I knew. He never once threatened to hurt me. He punched a few things, but never because of me and absolutely never gave me any fear that he was about to hit me. But I knew he wasn't in the right head space, and if he was willing to hit other things I was afraid that eventually he would hit me. I just didn't know what to expect from him anymore. A couple days after the breakup, Beck went with me to meet him and exchange our personal belongings. I told Jaxon that I was worried about him and maybe he should talk to someone. At that he flipped out a little more, insisting that there was nothing wrong with him and refusing to even hear me out."

"So that was the last time I heard him out." I say firmly.

"I spent the months leading up to us meeting, trying to figure myself out again. I spent all of my foundational years with Jaxon. All of my teenaged years, figuring out who I wanted to be were focused around Jaxon and I and after that was over I had to rebuild myself and find out who I was. I was in a dark place for a while. I couldn't let myself trust anyone because the person I trusted with my whole life had broken that trust. I didn't let myself love anymore after that, and I never thought I would again...but you already know how that part turned out." I say with a smile, which he returns while rubbing gentle circles over my knuckles.

"Last night, I saw him. He was still the man I broke up with, not the man I used to know and trust with my whole life. He looks worse than he did the last time I saw him. He seemed emotionless, and then all of a sudden he went off again. The only difference is that this time he had no control over me so I was able to shut him down right away. He accused me of being with you for your fame or your money, and then tried to make me feel sorry for him and had the nerve to say that we should talk about us." I say frustratedly.

"Evie..." He says quietly.

"I told him there was nothing to talk about. He doesn't deserve to have any more say-so in my life..." I shrug.

Niall leans forward in his chair to get closer to me.

"You amaze me with how strong you are and i'm so proud of you for knowing that you don't deserve that." He says honestly, holding my hand in his. "But, would it be extremely selfish of me to say that i'm so happy you're with me now?" He says with a slight chuckle.

"Nope. Not selfish at all." I laugh. "Because I feel the same way."