Succumb (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter five|

"I'm not surprised. He likely wants to keep you under lock and key until the fight," Severus said, his tone undecipherable as he began to fill the bowls with pasta.

"And you're not worried at all about it?" I asked as I reached out and took his hand in mine, capturing his gaze.

"I admit there is a certain degree of danger, but I'm confident in your ability to control yourself. You have done an excellent job of it lately."

"I suppose your right," I sighed, giving him a small smile that I didn't quite feel. "I do hope you won't grow too tired of me being around constantly," I teased in attempt to lighten the mood, despite the heaviness that still lingered in my gut.

"I think I'll be able to manage," he smirked, pulling me in for one last kiss before grabbing one of the bowls along with a fork and placing them in my hands.

"You certainly seem to enjoy keeping me fed. I'll be giving the Fat Lady a run for her money in no time," I teased as I took a seat at the small table.

"How you survived on nothing but coffee and biscuits for so long still amazes me," he chuckled, sliding into his usual place across from me.

We chatted as we ate, everything from small talk to concerns about what was in store for Hogwarts. It seemed so strange that we were doing this so comfortably now, as if the time we spent away from each other had never even happened. Fresh memories of the carnage I had just helped cause hit me like a boulder, once again reminding me I didn't deserve Severus at all.

"Kathryn.. did something happen tonight? You don't seem yourself," Severus inquired. I dropped my gaze, focusing on the bowl placed in front of me rather than his gaze.

"Nothing out of the usual.. The things he wants me to do.. It just hit a little close to home tonight."

"Who was it?" the deep timbre of his voice was nothing above a soft rumble, as if he was scared he would spook me if he spoke too loudly.

"Just some couple that refused to join him. It was the usual torture and kill sort of job, but I suppose it reminded me of my parents- how they died and such," I shrugged, still unable to bring myself to meet his gaze. My parents had always been a subject I found best to avoid. I found it easiest to pretend they simply hadn't existed in the first place. The less I thought about them, the less it hurt. By the time I was an adult, I had successfully built the perfect little box inside of myself to hide them away in. I didn't often think of them, and when I did, it was briefly before I buried them away again. But now they were all I could think about.

"Your parents... I do not believe we've ever really discussed them before."

"I've never really discussed them with anyone, actually," I murmured, my eyes watering, despite my effort to keep my emotions in check. I found myself wondering if my parents had known that we were in danger.

They had obviously sheltered me from everything of importance, so it was likely. If they hadn't kept me in the dark, the Shade bomb Dumbledore had dropped on me the first time I had lost control as kid wouldn't have been so surprising, that was for sure. A part of me had always been angry at my parents, despite their deaths, for never telling me such important information about myself. How could they keep something like that a secret from me? Didn't they think I deserved to know the truth? They could have prepared me for what was to come, instead of leaving me without a clue.

"They were... well.. To be honest, I'm not sure I even know how to talk about them anymore," I finally brought myself to meet Severus' eyes, hesitating before continuing, "You could.. see for yourself.. if you'd like."

"I don't wish to intrude into your-"

"Severus, it's fine. I'd like to show you.. really. It's okay," I reassured him. He dipped his chin in agreement and left his current seat to approach me and take my hand in his, leading me wordlessly to the sofa.