Mailboy (Wattys 2015 Winner)

17. Can't Stand It

It scared the shit out of me.

Just because I was his friend and I cared about him. I mean, sure, I’d questioned my friendship with him more than once. I had decided he was worth it, he was worth being friends with. He was a freaking amazing person, whether it showed off at first impression or not.

“It’s—nevermind.”

“Nico, please.”

Now, I personally assumed it was because of the fact that I called him Nico that he started speaking. “It’s my first birthday without her,” he mumbled, “without my mum.”

Oh.

The first thought that came to mind was: aren’t you insensitive, Zoey?

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically.

He put his head in his hands for a long moment. Nico looked up at me and nodded, walking to the backpack again. I grabbed his hand and made him look at me. He glanced at my hand in his and looked at me again.

“What?” he said.

I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his chest. He felt stiff and he didn’t try to hug me back, which frustrated me a lot. I squeezed onto him and that seemed to be enough.

Reluctantly, I felt his arms close around my waist. He put my head on my shoulder and I felt him calm down even more. I was holding him and I knew he was far from okay. This was payback for the time I was on the verge of tears and he hugged me.

Just when I was about to let go, he muttered: “thank you for being you.”

“Anytime,” I answered.

He pulled away and I could see the traces of tears on his cheeks. He noticed me looking and wiped his cheeks hastily, turning away.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Men don’t fucking cry.”

Handing him a tissue, I said: “Humans cry, it’s normal. Just because you have testicles doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to cry.”

 He smiled at this and pointed at the mailbag. “Can we go now?”

“No. Today’s your birthday.”

“So?”

“So, we shall celebrate. The mail can wait.”

He let out a laugh, “since when do you deliver mail late?”

Since I have better things to do than deliver mail when I’m with you, I thought.

Wait, what the fuck?

I did not think that.

Yes you did, admit it. You like spending time with him.

“Zorro? Why do you look high and confused?”

“Because—uh I was thinking about something.”

“Might I ask,” he said, raising an eyebrow, “what were you thinking about?”

I couldn’t just say you. “Those poor people who won’t be receiving their mail on time.”

He threw his head back and laughed. My heart warmed at the sight because he reminded me of Julia when she laughed. There was still a piece of childhood in him and it shined whenever he laughed for real. Nico was…a guy with a good heart.

“So,” I started, putting my knees on a chair and placing my arm on his shoulder, because he was too tall for me to put my arm around his shoulder with my regular height, “what did you usually do on your birthday?”