All the Good Things in Life [Movie fiction mashup]

Dec 24 2018

Okay, so I didn't forget it's Christmas Eve, I just don't care. I know I'm not getting anything because for several years, I've been getting clothes and mature items that my mom likes to pull out instead of privately giving them to me (ahem, my 11th birthday with the bras in front of my 5th grade friends). Like, I'm not excited, who cares.

I don't like asking for things I don't need because I rather be surprised. But really the one thing I'd like to be surprised with would be a ticket to one of Sia's concerts (or big ol' cookies :3), and I'm making that really obvious. It's like my top 3 YouTube searches next to My Chemical Romance but y'all know why that can't happen ah ha ha ha...

But anyway. An ASPCA commercial came up like right now and it gets you every time, man. Silent Night. Gosh dang it, stop with the onions.

I was pretty inspired yesterday and made a song I'm temporarily gonna call I'll Be Strong. I'm gonna tell you it's pretty depressing. It's stuck in my head. I'm waiting until I'm alone without that hophoker (That's what I'm gonna call it instead of that super long description) to record it. Living my musical dreams :')

I don't know what I'm gonna do because if I get in a group of mates in college, we're gonna have to live together so I can't do all those things I've planned. But then again, Taehyung does have a dog. But then one of the members had to give away their pet because they weren't home enough. So.

And some bands last until they're 40. I mean I'd like that life, but by 40, will I have the energy to do the things I've planned? And I'd have to give up becoming a big ice skater because a 40 year old won't make it far.

· · ·

So I completely forgot what I was talking about. But I'm really happy. I love my going away gift.... buuuut I still have a gut feeling An Animal dislikes me. Ah ha.

Gosh.

How could people be so cruel?

I love digital media. Mainly because I have 3 years experience and everyone else has no idea what they're doing, so I get an easy grade. I'm super respectful compared to everyone else. I like acting. I like being with people especially when I'm the only one who completely understands everything but everyone doesn't know that so they're not making me work for it like whenever I'm in math.

But our teacher decided to announce my departure to the class. And I'm praying, I'm really praying, that Canvas won't say anything. She's a really nice person and an amazing friend. She's just very gullible. Even though she believes I'm a toxic, relationship-breaking, abusive monster, I was her friend once. And she forgives her friend who vandalized her stuff and ended their friendship from jealousy, so I'm hoping she understands why I wanted to keep this secret.

Silent prayers.

You know it's only a year and a half ( 1 1/2 years ) until I'm free. Or at least college free.

I feel bad for An Animal. She wants to go to college but financial problems I don't want to mention. It's extremely awful and I wonder everyday how she could be so positive when she lives like that.

I'm worried that she won't go far on her own. I've already made a deal with her like man I'm going to fly you to Montana with me and I will buy you a house and make you pancakes for breakfast. I don't know if she was being for real, but I'm dead serious.

I don't care if she gets on my nerves. I've a very patient and adaptable person. It's very, very, very hard to get me angry. The only time I was angry was this whole issue in school, and that got so far that I was being threatened to be sued and I was literally keeping many screenshots of laws and stuff. That ain't gonna happen in the future because I'll be old enough to make my own lawsuits. So get scared.

I direly want to talk to her about it, but I'm not trying to stress her during the hardest grade of our lives. I'm thinking maybe October of senior year.

But wow. Half a year later, I'll be watching my friend graduate off to college. And then commences watching the news to see who dies first.

Like this:

Nah. But it was really hard when my first friend died. You don't know where they are but they text you every so often. And if they're not super important or there wasn't a massive event, you won't see them on the news. Weeks will pass until their brother comes on and hesitantly tells you. And you had never a hint that he was dying of cancer.

It'll be very painful. Even the people I don't really like or care about. It's like.. You had your chance, you know. But there was know way to know it would end like that. Some of my mates will die too early, my youngest not even a teen. (I love you Star. I should've checked in on you more)

· · ·

I think I've decided a permanent trans name. I tried Kendal and I tried Taylor, but they've never really... I don't know. They didn't feel right.

But on this social game I play all the time, I changed my nickname since my friend Kab00sted bought me a rank <3 which lets you do so. And all the ranked people annually Christmas-ize their nicknames in December. So I named myself after my faaaavorite Christmas song. And someone said "How do you do that, [name]?" And it caught my attention right away.

I think... It was meant to be. I definitely want to keep the last name or modify it a little. I got until college. I don't like telling people who actually know me my trans names because I feel insecure about it. So I can't say it here.

I feel really excited. But I'm also worried I'm gonna fail at dressing like a guy. And it's kinda gonna be awkward asking for a guy's cut at a barber. But 1 1/2 more years...

"Nothing says Christmas like a pair of meds." —(not) Minty, Have a Very Minty Christmas (2005)