That's what I'm Counting On

Dungeons and Decisions-AU

          "I use stealth!" Thorne stopped laughing and swiftly threw his dice to the table, managing to roll a 20. Kai had to admit that he had questionably good luck.

Cress flipped a page of her guide and rolled a die. "Your stealth is so good, you momentarily disappear from this plane of existence until the Kobalds leave. Unfortunately, the gatekeeper notices you and says that he will only allow you passage into the village if you do him a favour. That includes Faramir and Dread."

          Cinder glared at him. "Way to go Thorne, now we have to threaten his life."

          Cress gave her a confused glance. "You really don't have to threaten anyone. It would be a bad decision anyway since he's the watchman who literally stands right next to the alarm bell."

          Cinder grinned. "Attack him with the bell."

          "You would need three separate turns to dismantle the bell, pick up the bell, and then attack him with the bell, so I would advise a different idea." Cress informed her, handing her a photocopied sheet of what they had agreed the boundaries would be because Cinder had 'accidentally' lost hers.

"Accept the favour," Cinder sighed, "but if we don't get experience points, none of these restraints will count anymore."

"Yes, experience points! As a knight, I would gladly accept." Thorne gestured dramatically as he mimicked an English accent.

Cress rolled another die. "He requests that each of you pay him 100 gold pieces in exchange for your freedom."

Cinders eyes widened. "100 gold pieces!? That's worth more than my life. I roll intimidation by summoning the undead." Cinder rolled the die, and Cress did as well.

"Dread successfully summons a skeleton. The man has seen this all before and is not intimidated. The skeletons left arm falls off in shock."

"You're telling me that I can turn into a bloody demon lord, but I can't even summon something useful?" Cinder flipped through her handbook, trying to find some demonic spell, but Kai spoke up before she could find one.

"I'll pay him." He said.

"That's bribery, and you're lawful good," Cinder argued. "Don't do it, just prosecute him; Use your charisma and talk him out of it if you don't have a better idea."

Kai folded his arms together. "We were the ones to break the law, think of it as a bail."

"Well I'm not paying that much money. I don't even have a single gold piece," said Thorne. "I roll to pick up the skeleton arm and swing it at Kai to knock some sense into him because this guy's a con artist."

"The FitnessGram Pacer Test picks up the skeleton arm." Cress rolled again... it was an 18. "The FitnessGram Pacer Test successfully swings the arm at Faramir, altering his brain for a moment, making him unable to pay."

"Back off, rich boy, I'm armed!" Thorne began swinging his real arms around. Kai ducked, avoiding the path of destruction. Nevertheless, things had gotten out of hand.

Cress sighed again. "The man sees that no deal can be made. He rings the bell, alarming guards of your presence."

This is when Kai began to regret inviting Thorne to play, as he obviously did not care enough to learn about the game at all. "Carswell! Did you not read the players guide? There was treasure and really good gear in that town and now it'll be harder to get back in."

"I did not read the players handbook... but I still know that was a bad deal."

"Cress, I roll to morph into a winged demon." Cinder said, rolling and successfully allowing her character to sprout wings using demonic energy. "Ok, now I fly away."

"Wait, take us with you," said Thorne.

"No, this your fault," she proclaimed, "Perish."

Thorne resorted to bribery. "I'll give you my chocolate bar!"

Cinder accepted and rolled for strength to see if she could carry them both over for her escape, which in fact, managed to work.

          Kai ducked as Thorne chucked a Kit-Kat in their direction. Unfortunately, the landing in which their characters partook in was failed, and each one took 5 damage.

"Oh nice, I'm bleeding in like 12 different places! Look at all that blood," Cinder took a bite of the Kit-Kat, "All I wanted was to die a bloody and morbid death, painlessly."

"Cinder, what the—"

But Thorne did not get to finish his sentence, because Kai butt in to heal their units. Unfortunately, by the time they had maxed out their health points, they had been confronted by Lennithon.

          Thorne gasped and pulled out his die, "I roll to propose to Lenni!" He rolled a 3.

         "Lenni appreciates the offer, but he is already married,"Cress informed him.

          "I say we enslave the dragon and harvest it's talons and scales frequently so we have an endless supply of weapons and armour." Cinder suggested.

          "I'm on board with Cinder's idea, but how would we feed it?" Thorne asked.

          "We feed it the undead." She answered.

          "Ok, sounds reasonable."

          It was after the last sentence that Kai realized that the game was about to go down the same path as it did last time. It was either shut it down or wait it out until they disturbed themselves enough that they would stop on their own.

          Taking a sip of his tea, Kai decided that he would wait it out. Cress had already given up on keeping logical rules all together and it was not until Thorne had decided that he could fly if he flapped his arms really hard and Cinder got into a knife fight with the gods that Cress stopped talking all together. They didn't even notice that no one was actually leading a plot anymore, they just kept spewing out bizarre ideas and decided they would become the games final bosses, ignoring the fact that no one could actually fight them.

           Kai had zoned out after about 10 minutes, but was brought back to reality when he heard them whisper one of the most terrifying sentences he had ever heard.

         "You guys are sick." He said, instantly regretting it, for it obviously sparked a new idea when he saw their faces light up at his words.

         "Yes, I guess there will be a special place in Hell for us," She deadpanned.

          Thorne smiled. "It's called the throne."

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Written by CosmicNovaFlare and Iko_The_Android