Longing (Bucky Barnes Fan Fiction)

| nine |

Bucky sat on a bar stool at the island while I sat on the actual counter itself, stuffing a few fries into my mouth. It was around three in the morning. We had spent the last two hours eating and resting. It was nice to just have some time to ourselves.

"How do you feel about Riggs?" I asked Bucky quietly, looking to him out of the corner of my eyes. He said nothing and instead directed his gaze to the bowl of chips in front of him. "Come on, Bucky. I need to know. It's killing me."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Widia. I mean, I-I hate myself for what happened in 2008. You were happy with him and.... I took him from you. If you want him, I completely understand—,"

"I'm not leaving you, Bucky." I cut him off quickly, furrowing my brows together as I searched his eyes. "Not for anything in the world."

"You can't look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have feelings for him, Widia." His voice lowered but the seriousness was still there. He pushed himself off of the counter and took a few steps back. "I know you do, Widia. There's no sense in lying to me."

"Just cause-I can't help what I feel towards him, James." I whispered. I shook my head gently as I looked down to my hands. "I was going to marry him. I loved him. He was my life and-and all of a suddenly he's alive?"

He was quiet, nodding his head softly.

"But Bucky, I love you." I slid down off of the counter and reached out to take his hand. He pulled it away, shaking his head as he avoided my gaze. "James." His eyes were glossy and I could see that he was on the verge of crying, of losing his composure.

"I'm not good for you, Widia." He finally met my gaze as he whispered softly. "Maybe he.... maybe you should just...."

"Do you want me to leave, Bucky?" I crinkled my brows together. "I-I'll leave if you don't want me anymore—,"

"I never get what I want."

"Tell me what you want right now and I will give it to you." I took his hand and held it firmly. "You want me to leave, I can leave. You want us to leave and disappear? It's a done deal. We can be gone and half way across the world by daybreak. We won't have to tell anyone else."

"I just want you to be happy." Bucky murmured gently. I sighed gently, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. My thumb gently brushed over his scruffy jaw. "I can see it in your eyes. You look.... broken and exhausted. I just want you happy again."

"As long as I have you by my side, I am happy, James." I leaned up on my toes to kiss his forehead. "Yes I am going to look exhausted and upset and a bunch of other bad things but it's going to happen, Buck. It's a part of my lifestyle. I learned that the hard way."

He nodded his head and slipped his hands around my hips. He effortlessly lifted me up on to the bar counter and settled himself between my legs.

"Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest man in the world." He pushed his face into the crook of my neck. I smiled softly, brushing my fingers through his hair. A laugh escaped my lips as he let out a warm breath that tickled my neck. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek against the side of his head. This was what I wanted for the rest of my life.

"Marry me, Bucky."

He instantly pulled away and found my gaze. His blue eyes searched mine, his brows furrowing together.

"What?"

"Let's just do it." I looked into his blue eyes, holding his thick biceps with my hands. "I know a priest in Italy. She's a good person I met years and years ago. She'll do it without even asking questions."