Memoirs of an Assassin

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I probably shouldn't be writing this... Eh, screw it. My name is Belladonna Jones. I attend "The Absinthe Academy for Assassins". Pretty cheerful name, I know. It's an underground school founded by this one Russian-American lady in the late 2070s who we're all supposed to idolize, Anita Absinthe. As is probably made evident by the school's name, she was an assassin. She died in prison about a decade years after the school was founded, leaving her 25-year-old daughter Morticia to be the headmaster. I was enrolled in the school by my late mother, Minerva Jones when I was 7.

I live with my abusive stepmother, Amber Nesprite over the summer. My father is always gone at work, so when summer comes I spend all of it with Amber. However, when I'm in school I take the majority of my classes with my friends like Artemis Everleigh, Arti for short. I used to tease her that her name sounded like Art3mis from "Ready Player One" until she knocked me out with her diabetes bag. She claims that she was only trying to fake hit me to scare me, but I highly doubt that. All that aside, we're still good friends.

My other friends are Cordelia McNamara, Brooklyn 'Brooke' Farley, and Daphne Allerton. Brooke has a Rottweiler named "Snoopy", but we call him "Chupacabra" and now he doesn't answer to anything else. We call him that because he tries to bite every new person he meets. She also has a cat named "Kit Kat" who is always hiding under her bed. Anyway, back to Brooke. She is pretty much the most down to earth person I've ever met. She has an obsession with grapes and anything cute and furry. Then there's Cordelia. She's the biggest musical theatre nerd out of the four of us, which is saying something. She is obsessed with musicals like, "Be More Chill", "Spongebob the Musical"(which she saw on its closing night which just so happened to be her birthday), "Heathers", "Dear Evan Hansen", etc. Finally, Daphne is the one who is semi-goth, draws pretty much anything that they are interested in(and that they ship). The reason I use they/them pronouns is because Daphne actually identifies as non-binary/genderqueer, meaning they are neither male, nor female, and have neither exclusively masculine nor feminine traits. They may show personality traits that are a mix of the two but never exclusively one.

Other than them, I don't really have any other friends. I mean, there are people who I talk to and share interests with, but I don't necessarily consider them potential friends, because of one reason or another. But believe me, there are people who are annoying. For example, Jessica and Carnea Priss A.K.A. The "popular ones". I think a lot of people would agree with me that those two are annoying as HELL. They are constantly trying to make everyone else's day shitty, and of course, they're the ones the teachers love.

They somehow always find a way to make everyone else look bad, and make themselves look like fucking goddesses. And as is expected, they have pretty much an army of goons who are willing to do anything for them, the majority doing it out of fear. As a matter of fact, I just escaped them trying to hang me upside down from the auditorium catwalk, and now reside underneath the stage writing this on a really shitty typewriter that somehow still works, and can automatically do indentations somehow. Dammit, they found the latch to the hidden door! I gotta go!

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Okay. Please excuse my shitty writing. As you can probably tell, I suck, but it's okay.