To The Guy I Used To Love

When I first met you, I wanted nothing to do with you

You were the most annoying person on the planet

But I put up with you because we had a friend in common

When I first met you, I didn't know you already knew who I was, but you described the day

You described that day you first saw me and I remembered it, I just didn't know that was you sitting there

When I first met you, I had no idea you would play such a huge role in my life

Later on we started talking, and you became less annoying

The more we talked, the more likable you became

The more we talked, I had no clue I was falling in love with you but you did, at least that's what you told me

It was wrong because I was in a relationship with someone else, but that didn't stop you

And I could help but keep falling for you

It was wrong because I had to keep my feelings for you a secret when they felt right, which made it feel so much more wrong

It was wrong because my feelings for you got so strong I ended up hurting someone and I didn't even care

I didn't care because I got what I wanted

I got you

When you first told me you loved me I was confused because I knew that you liked me but I didn't know you loved me

When you first told me you loved me I was in doubt, how could someone love me, but you made me believe you did 

A few months later we were going strong

You almost never saw us apart

We were happy, at least I thought we were

At 5 months you started getting distant

A few weeks into month our 6, you hardly spoke to me

I was lucky if I could get a text that more than a word or two.it hit our 6 month of bring together and you wouldn't text or call me back

By then I had had enough

But like all good things, they must come to an end even after the promise we made to try our best no matter what

I texted you one last time

Barely able to see through the tears building up in my eyes

I told you I wasn't going to do this anymore

I told you if you wanted to talk to me then that's great

And if you didn't then oh well

You opened my text....

You never replied

A little over a month later, you showed up at my school

You didn't say anything, you just talked to some of your friends

You didn't even look at me, to see if I was looking at you

You didn't even look at me to see how broken I was

I put up a tough face to show people I was fine, even though I clearly wasn't

I put up a tough face and everyone believed it, or they at least acted like they did

All I wanted was for you to at least try and talk to me

All I wanted was for you to at least do something to give me a chance to yell at you

All I wanted was to yell at you or hit you or something to show you how much you fucked me up

All I wanted was for you to see how broken I was if you cared to look into my eyes

I gave you everything

I gave you my love

I gave you my goddamn purity

I gave you my all

And what did you give me in return...?

Nothing

You gave me a lie

You didn't break my heart
You didn't hurt me

I did that to myself when I believed you loved me

When in reality I was just a piece of ass

When in reality i was just something you could call yours

Someone you could have at your beck and call whenever you wanted something

And that is my curse

One of the worst fucking curses of all; being too sensitive and forgiving

Because I know if you were to come back into my life and pull some sob story of how you miss me I'd buy into it

Because once you love someone you can never stop

Yes after time feelings fade but they never go away, you only think they do

Now almost 10 months later as I sit here writing this, I don't feel the heartbreak

Yes I feel the emotions of hurt and sadness, but not in the way you'd think

The emotions I feel is a sort of grief for how I felt then as it happened, as well as the love I still have for you now

I feel the grief of how I felt then

I feel the love for you that will never completely go away

To: The Guy I Used To Love

From: The One Who Used To Love You