Loved You First ~Laurance X Reader~

Prolouge

Sometimes what I lack the most is bravery. Sometimes it is talkativeness. Most times it is kindness.

I'm a simple girl. Nothing is different or wrong with me. I have a normal life, but I make it seem so dramatic it makes me sick sometimes. Yet, I can't seem to stop myself. Maybe I am sick. But of what; I'll never know.

No. That was my past self. The person I still wish I was.

Now there is something wrong with me. There always was, but I was just never told of the fact. It ruined me the moment it came from my brother's mouth. It was on accident, of course, but it still haunts my nightmares and dreams. It makes me remember that I will never be who I use to be.

It's surprising, really. I hate it. I'm not mentally ill. Just scared. Which is why there's still nothing wrong with me! Yet why can't you just get over your fear? You might ask. It's harder then it looks. What if you feared something that you were always meant to have?

It's not easy to adapt to. Yet I managed 13 years without acknowledging it. It started showing at five years probably. I only knew because of Garroth, tripping on his words because he was lost in thought. I found out later that he was the main reason I didn't know about it until then.

I hate him for that. He still thought I was a stupid baby. I really wasn't though. God save me. I want to tear my wall down but that'll only cause more trouble for myself.

My younger self had thought that it was normal. That everyone went through what I went through. Obviously not, I realised when both of my friends started distancing themselves from me. They started realising that I wasn't like them, that I was different. In a bad way; but I still never figured it out.

I remember going to the doctors and having a psychologist look at me and asking me weird questions. Maybe I'm suppressing this but, I faintly remember that they said something about my strange memory.

I don't know. I can't be sure of myself. I can't trust my own thoughts or words because it could just be a lie. But I know something that wasn't a lie. Something only I knew. My fear never changed one fact.

It doesn't change the fact that I
Loved You First