Freedom from Addiction

Recovery from Addiction

I grew up in a fairly normal household. My parents are successful business people and my sister is an intelligent physician. I have no reason for why I became a drug addict. I simply have the disease of addiction. When I put a mood or mind altering substance in my body, I immediately crave another. And another. And another. Until I reach a state of oblivion where nothing else matters.

My addiction led me to a dark place. I had compromised all of my morals and had become a person that I never knew I could be. I was a person who lied, stole, and manipulated just to get my next fix. I felt like nothing more than a useless junkie. The chains that bound me to heroin were far too strong to break on my own and I saw no other way out other than death.

I loaded up my syringe, positive that this would indeed be enough to stop my heart and finally end the misery I had been living in.

I didn't believe in God at the time, but today I look back and realize that He had other plans for me. I woke up angry. I was heartbroken that I wasn't able to kill myself. I finally made the most important decision of my life - I reached out for help.

I went to a treatment center filled with hopeless addicts and alcoholics who were just like me. I learned that there was a way out, but this meant developing a loving, untouchable relationship with a higher power. I came to believe that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol, so in order to overcome this hopeless disease, I had to allow a power greater than myself to relieve me of the obsession to get high.

To my surprise, the prayers that I reluctantly made to some kind of being that I had absolutely no conception of were beginning to be answered. Slowly, I stopped thinking about getting high as much as was accustomed to. Today, that obsession is gone completely. 

I use to think it was absurd when sober people would say "I have a life beyond my wildest dreams." I thought that there was no earthly way that people were actually accumulating multiple years, even months, of continuous sobriety. Today, I can honestly say that I, too, have a life beyond my wildest dreams. This isn't because of any material things at all either. I don't have a car and I still live in a halfway house, but because I am sober today, I actually have a life worth living. I have dreams today. When I was getting high, I wanted to die and I don't think I even knew what dreams were.

Today I have the luxury of helping other women recover from this disease. I get to watch their hope and strength grow as they recover. I have two beautiful young nieces who never have to see their aunt under the influence. My mother gets to lay her head on her pillow at night and not worry that she will get a phone call saying that this time, I have overdose and I will never wake up. I get to work a job that I love where I get to spread awareness around the disease of addiction. 

I live on basic spiritual principles today. I do my best to practice absolute honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. But what if I fall short of these spiritual principles? Well, I know that I have a daily reprieve. I can attempt to correct my wrongdoings and overcome my shortcomings. I can wake up tomorrow and start new. I have the luxury of living each day happy with life, sober from mood and mind altering substances, and free from the bondage of addiction.