Why Hello, Captain Obvious and Deadly Handsome

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  • Dedicated to Dan Howell
                                        

October 15th, 4:27 a.m

The moment I awaken warm air encloses me.  Not thick and hard to breath, but not a dry heat that burns upon entering your lungs, either.  A comfortable warmth.  Everything is black.  I hold my hand out in front of my face but cannot see it.  I have no idea where I am.  All I know is that I'm lying in a bed in the dark.  A plush comforter surrounds me.  My mouth seems to have every taste as well as no taste at all at the same time.  An air conditioning system or heater hums softly whilst several people are talking in a different room too far away to understand their words.  The two sounds combined make me feel safe, like I'm in a place I've known my entire life.  Except for the fact that I don't know where I am and I have no memories.  The air is lightly filled with a sweet, manly smell.  I breathe it in deeply until either my head is lighter than a feather or my lungs threaten to adopt the scent as its own.  Voices get closer.  Heartbeat gets quicker.  Nerves get tighter.  I am scared of the unknown.  More than anything I want to be in someone's arms, but I cannot fathom who it is that I want.  Light floods the room as the door opens.  I pretend to sleep, though I'm not sure why.  Footsteps are coming towards me. 

  "Hey, you want to wake up anytime soon?"  a boy says with a voice I don't recognize.  Overwhelmingly attractive and British.  A pleasant sound to wake up to.  I wonder if I'm British?  I'm not sure what I should do, so I awkwardly continue pretending to sleep.  Extremely inconveniently I realize I need to use the bathroom.  The boy touches my arm which makes me jump.  I figure this is as good a time as any to open my eyes.  The sight I am greeted by nearly causes my mouth to drop.  A softly shaped face inhabited by dark brown eyes and a sleepy smile.  He has intense bed hair; curly and dark brown with the longest part swept to one side.  Deadly handsome. 

  "Hello,"  the boy raises one hand up to his mouth like he is attempting to conceal his laughter.  I must look like death.  Whoever I am.

  "Hi," I groan as I sit up slowly.  "I have loads of questions, but I urgently need a bathroom," I say, my own voice surprising me.  It's sleepy and Australian.  I figured I must be from the same place as the boy crouching beside me.  He laughs softly then offers his hand to assist me up.  Clutching his hand all the way, I walk on shaky legs to the bathroom.   When I open the door after relieving myself he is waiting for me in the hall.

  "Thanks," I say awkwardly.  "Since everything within 5 feet of me is no longer in danger of being soaked, I have questions."  Smiling his adorable smile again he replies.

  "Right.  You go back to the bedroom and I'll be there in a minute.  I have to check on someone first."  I go back to the bedroom and just as he said he would, he returns a minute later.  I'm sitting on the bed and he is sitting backwards on an oddly shaped white chair in front of a piano.  He rubs his knees and looks to the door as if he is afraid the Boogeyman might burst through it at any moment.

  "Okay.  Um, I really don't know where to start."  He looks around like he expects the words to be written on the walls.  At the door again.

  "How about where am I and why?"  I suggest.

  "You don't even know where you are?" He looks surprised.

  "No," I say.  "To be completely honest I really don't know anything; where I'm from, how old I am, I don't even remember my name."  As I say this I become more and more aware that this boy could be anyone.  He could have kidnapped me.  Panic is starting to set in.

  "Where am I?"  I repeat, getting a bit freaked out.

  "It's okay, you're safe now.  You're in our flat in London."  Our flat?  Who is the other person?  Is it me?  Is it the someone he was "checking on" a moment ago?

  "What do you mean by 'our flat'?  Does someone else live here?"  I ask. 

  "Just me and my flatmate Phil."  He looks to the door again as voices get close to us.  "That would be him talking to our landlord.  Someone tipped him that we had a third person living here, which is true and completely against the rules right now, so he decided to come check things out for himself.  I had to move you to a different room twice in the past hour while Phil kept him distracted," he explains.  "Thank you for not being very heavy."

  I look down at myself.  I'm skinny to a degree that cannot be healthy.  The clothes I am wearing  are baggy; a black tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants with the drawstring pulled tight.  "Yeah,"  I say.  "No problem."

  We both look up when the door opens.  A black haired, blue eyed guy comes in.  He looks to be just barely older than the other one, though they both look to be somewhere around 16 years old.  Judging by the way neither of them freak out upon Thing Two's entrance, I'm guessing this is Phil.

  "He's finally gone,"  Phil says.  He looks at me for a minute before saying anything.  "She woke up."  He seems a bit stunned that I am awake.  How long have I been asleep?

  "Thanks Captain Obvious, that's great."  Dan laughs, sarcasm fills his voice.

  "Can somebody please give me some answers!?"  I exclaim, starting to get exasperated.  "I just woke up in a place I have never seen, with two people I have never  seen.  I don't know how or why I'm in your flat.  I don't know what's going on or even my name for heaven's sake.  All I want is to know what on earth is happening.  Please."  My eyes are wide, heart pumping fast.  Adrenaline has started pumping through my veins triggering a fight or flight reaction.  Fight.

  "Okay okay okay, calm yo butt," the first boy says.  "We will explain everything we know.  By the way, I'm Dan."

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