The Perfect Stranger

Heart to Heart

Consequences-Camila Cabello

Me

6 Mac 2018

12.27 am

My mom always said that crying is for the ones who have hearts.But i think the opposite way.In my opinion,i think she's wrong(sorry mom)Completely wrong.I think that crying is just for the weaks.Yes,it shows that you are weak and you felt like you very small and all the heavy burden hits you on your shoulder.It's not just me that only have problem to be solve.

I hate crying.Crying happens when you feel sad.I dont wanna cry.Crying makes my face look hideous and my nose will turn into scarlet red.Besides,after crying i have a really bad headache and my eyes stinging in pain.That is why i loathe crying so much.Eventhough i do,i cannot prevent it.

But for me,it is just better for you just keep it to yourself.Shut your mouth with all of those things that people should'nt know.Maybe you can hide it inside your heart and soul eventhough you know you can't.You can't take it anymore. You tried to hide it inside your very deepest heart and soul but eventually,you cannot.

For me,i think i will keep on stuffing my face with chocolate ice cream or sour Skittles everyday until my face started to wrinkle and at the end you're face getting chubby(or fat?)just for hiding my problems.Well, sometimes it works because those sweets make me happy and people didnt notice that im sad.Only temporary though.But my bestie,Ava hate Skittles.

Just then I realize life is sucks.Awful feeling in my chest and it just become pain.Then i started to realise that those sweets cannot help you solving my problems forever.

My parents had divorced since i was a little cute girl.Now you know why.Well i am sad about it sometimes that they will not get back together when my dad married a young woman 3 years ago.

People may think that 'hey dude,two moms and two dads are awesome' and yell 'YOLO' at me.Meh,go to hell.

What do you feel when no one love you.No one care about you.Try to imagine that you are neglected and abandoned.You are alone.(Alan Walker 'Alone' song spinning in my head right now lol).

Everyday you wake up and hoping your life to be better.But then it ain't happen.You keep blaming yourself that you're wrong.To prove your wrong.You trying to smile eventhough you're weak.

I used to write a confession letter on a piece of paper but sometimes i wrote it in my secret diary.And when i am writing it,i poured on it with all my heart and soul.I dont need someone to help me actually.All i need is a book or paper and a pen.It's doesnt change anything it's just help me to feel way better.

One day,i was really angry at my dad and i went to my room and started writing about that thing had just occured.I'm not doing my responsibility as a daughter very well so my dad when mad.

Well i am not really an obedient daughter.I cried a little bit while im writing.Yes i am weak in this situation.

Suddenly my lovely dad came into my room to check me out.At that time i saw him i cried harder.Out of the blue, i gave him the letter that i've just wrote.I dont what the hell was wrong with me.My mind said that i should not gave him that letter.

But suprisingly,i didnt afraid to show it to him because i keep this feeling anger,fear,disguise to him and you wish him to feel what you feel.

My dad,he's literally tear and shreded the paper and crumpled it into a ball.Well maybe he's angry that i wrote A LOT OF CURSEWORDS in there.Maybe he thinks that im an innocent daughter.Probably not.

That night i didnt eat dinner and the next morning i've talked to him like nothing was happened.He and i trying to forget that 'thing' until for like forever.That was really fucking embarrasing and funny i guess i know im not normal right?

I started writing my confession letter since my parents divorced.Because of them i had to live apart from my brother.Only god knows how much i miss him.I lived with my father's 'new' family at California whilst my mom and his husband and my brother lived in NY.I keep all my letters in an antique music box that my mom gave me as a birthday present when i was 5.

Until today,no one has discover my little secret treasure under my bed.I guess im pretty good at hiding things.

Sometimes when i feel sad,i will read the letters over and over and over again.

Maybe people think writing a confession letter is boring but for me it really does helping me out because i have no one could help me even my best friend.My father think that im stupid.I'm dumb.I'm idiot.Actually I dont want my life to be like this.I just want to be happy.I'm trying to.

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I fold my letters that i wrote today.I wipe my already dried tears with the back of my hand.I place my letters in the music box.Sometimes i wrote my confession in my diary.I read it one more time before blinking my eyes a couple times to avoid tears falling.

I took my antique music box that my mom gave me to bed.I laid my back on the mattress and cover myself with my soft blanket.I hugged my music box and sleep with it.I decided to play the music box.

My eyelids began to drop because of the soft and harmonic music played by the music box and then i am about to enter the slumber dreamland as the sweet melody rocking me to sleep.

Maybe my mom was right.Crying is for the ones who have hearts.

Sorry it was short chapter.It just the introduction so dont judge too early.There is still got a lot of improvement to do.Keep on reading.Swipe up.