poetry

to my mom's ex boyfriend

i used to call you dad

because your love was the only kind of male love i've ever recieved

you told me you'd never do anything to make me uncomfortable

guess what?

everything you did made me uncomfortable

you told me to say no if i didn't want you to do something to me

guess what?

i told you no, thousands of times

you manipulated me in a way you knew would work

you begged and promised you will never want it again

you never kept your promise

i tried to speak up

guess what?

you convinced my mom i was a liar crazy or both

i guess i am crazy now

it's your fault

you probably shaped my entire personality

guess what?

i hate it

all of it and all of you

the smell of your mouth of coffee and cigarettes as you forced your lips onto mine

your voice as you said all those words

"it's our little secret, you don't me and mom to hate you do you?"

you might've forgotten already

but guess what?

i will never

it lives in me

my body and my mind will always remind me of the way you touched me

it will always remind me of your abuse

abuse that my young, innocent heart believed was love

there will always be a part of you in me

and i don't know who to hate more for it

you or myself