Trapped. Caged. Captivity.
Where is my use in the world today? Where do I start? What may be the end that's in front of me? Is there even an end? Have I even started yet? Questions race the back of my mind giving me paranoia of a bad future and it feeds my insomnia.
Laying in bed I think of everything. I'm hungry and tired. I can't think right. I'm also thinking to much. What does that make me? Crazy? No. I don't really know. I'm a normal person and I'm only experiencing everday human feelings. I'm not alone in this. Even if I think about that I still feel bad for myself. I'd get up to look for anything to eat that may be in my kitchen, but knowing there is nothing to eat I stay.
My family is going through the worst times it has ever been.
Still laying here I gain the thoughts of loved ones and the possibilities of lose. Shedding tears, I held back as long as I could, I quickly run my hands across my face to get ride of them.
Without thinking I started to cry, small whimpers escaped my weak body as I did so. I cry ssilenty. My own sorrow remaining to myself. My sadness shouldn't be anyone else's problem but my own. This is a lie to myself to make me feel as if I don't bother people. I need help and I know I do.
It's hard to admit when you're in the wrong, but all I am is wrong. I try to prove myself to people but my confidence ia another lie to pray about that night.
The love I gain from people I keep safe to savor later, but I ran out. Selfishness is only a few steps away as I bed for love and affections from others. Attention I want and attention I get, either if it's good or bad. The stolen pretzels I stolen from my older sisters Halloween candy is giving me heart burn as I anxiously eat the salted bat shaped snacks. On my third small bag, about to finish it. I sigh as my crying stops and I gain the agility to sleep again.
And that's exactly what I do.
Sleep.
