empathy <asheiji>

1. i hide my hurt

"I was eight when a first killed someone, eiji. I was raped." Ash's voice sounded like it was going to break. his body quivered like he was about to cry and his eyes began glossing over.

But he continued. "I shot him with my old man's gun. even after that, i was scared, so scared i could even speak. i wanted to scream, but no sound came out."

Eiji gripped Ash's shivering shoulder tighter, tracing shapes into the cloth with his thumb as glistening tears fell from onto his friend's open palm. unable to show the streams of hurt lining his face, the distressed blond covered his face with his hands, a sliver of his clenched teeth and forcefully shut eyes peeking though his fingers.

"I-I was scared of myself, because i didn't feel anything. I killed a human, but i didn't get any emotion... and it keeps ha-happening, again a-and again but i dont... feel anything...!!" ash raised his voice with a choke, causing eiji to flinch but he leaned closer to the other boy.

"i'm a monster. A murderer who doesn't care about human life." tears leaked through ash's fingers, dampening his long fringe.

Comforting fingers rubbed ash's arm, calming him down. "You do feel things, ash," eiji assured, closing his eyes and trying his hardest to give off a calm vibe. " You hurt, you really hurt. I can feel it."

Ash could feel his emotions crash over him, overwhelming his soul like a vicious wave. Anger sadness, regret, fear all directed at himself... mixed violently with the gratitude he felt towards Eiji. I don't deserve him... Ash restrained his urge to cry. Desperately, his fingers found the hem of the japanese boy's shirt and he gripped it tightly, digging his nails into the cotton intensely as he handled his rampaging feelings.

Horrible feelings and thoughts seemed to disappear as Eiji drew aimless shapes on Ash's arm and shoulder, and the negative things he screamed at himself in his head were reduced to white noise as the japanese boy quietly hummed a directionless tune in soothe him.

Ash had to say something. Anything, just to thank eiji for spending his time for him. But lo and behold, the genius of 200+ IQ had apparently forgot about the word 'thank you' for a while.

"Ah.. I, um... E-eiji, thanks for being here for me," the blond managed, slightly embarrassed at his loss for words. The tips of the older boy's lips quirked up into an excited little smile, delighted that he could make his friend feel better.

"Always! No matter what happens, I will always be here for you, okay Ash?" eiji glanced at the american with a smile.

Ash could nearly feel his happiness and thankfulness squeeze him to bits. His cheeks, draped red from crying, squished up to his eyes and his teeth clenched with emotion. His striking emerald eyes were sparkling with gratitude - it was just so alien, hear someone talk so kindly to him like that, ash was honestly so overwhelmed.

"Does that mean I'll always get to have your terrible sandwiches?" The blond smiled weakly and looked up at Eiji, who was happy to have a chance to joke around.

"Yes! Japanese sandwiches have all the right nutrients for you! You health is safe in my ha..."

Before he could finish his sentence, ash had leaned down to settle his head on Eiji's lap, his right hand still gripping the hem of the shirt.

The japanese boy felt a chill on his lap has Ash's tears dampened his thigh. "stay, please..." the blond asked softly, his expression unseen but his voice gave it all away.

"It doesn't have to be forever." ash sniffed quietly, and eiji was still surprised. "Please just stay with me for now..." the younger male cried softly into the other's lap, hiding his emotional release with his now messy blond hair. Eiji smiled unresistingly, carefully placing a warm hand on ash's back for reassurance.

"I'll be here forever."

The moonlight seeping through the curtains no longer felt harsh, and the shadows cloaking the room no longer felt ominous. The motorcycles and cars outside didn't seem annoying anymore, and it ceased to feel hot and stuffy. time slowed to a drip and the room seemed to dissolve away, leaving only ash and eiji there, together, in a moment of blissful peace.

Thank you, Eiji...

A/N (pls read lol)

yes i know this is just a reskin of the scene of episode 11 but its just so good i had to write it out... i'll be doing more original content next.

This story follows a different path from the canon story, and i'll be focusing on ash and eiji's relationship outside of all the gangster stuff. Shorter is still alive in this fanfic, btw, i want him in here. He did nothing wrong anyway, so im having him here alive and well >:(