"You're nothing but a disgrace to this family!"
"I want you out of my life, ate."
"I didn't know having you as part of this family be so shameful."
Those words.. those exact sentiments..
I never have the guts to regain myself. I was scared.. and broken... and it hurts. It hurts to be disowned by your own family for something that you didn't really do. It hurts so so much.
I looked up to the peak of the ferris wheel. I think it's time. I took a step in on one of its vacant cabin and started contemplating my life.
Maybe if I'm gone, they will be happy, right? They won't have to pretend that everything is okay. They don't have to pretend to like me. I must've suffocate them since day 1 just by my mere existence.
But they're the only ones I call family. And I love them, even when I know that my love for them will never be reciprocated.
"I know what you're thinking."
I was startled by that voice. Only when I turned around that I realized that someone is here with me. A guy maybe around my age or older. He's smiling and cocking his head to one side. I thought I was alone.
"What?"
"I know you're up to something and I tell you, don't."
My forehead creased with what he said. Who's he to tell me what to do? I don't even know what he's doing inside my cabin!
"Look, mister. I don't know who you are but you see, my life is wasted. Totally wasted." I tried to tell him. "I passed my board exams but was caught cheating and now articles about it are all over the internet. It wasn't even true! My boyfriend for 5 years is ashamed of me and fcking broke up with me. Everyone in my family hates me. What's the point in living?"
I thought he will pity me. I thought he's like the others who rubs to my face how stupid and disgusting I am even when I already know it. But no, he laughed. And he's so beautiful with the city lights behind him glowing.
"You think all your pain will vanish once you're gone? Have you thought about all the consequences you'll face if your suicidal plan failed and you'll live? If the mistake you did in your board exams are already spreading all over the internet, how much more when they discover that you planned to run away from your problems?
I was dumbstruck by his words. I feel myself sinking back into my seat, ashamed of myself.
"And what? Your ex-boyfriend and family's ashamed of you? Ask yourself, who are they?"
"They're my life!" I immediately answered back.
"Nope. Your life is yours. You own it." He smiled sweetly. "Now if you let your family and a bastard be your life, throw away yours on top of a ferris wheel and letting the crowd see you... will you leave the world happily?"
Once again, I was left with no words. I feel like my vocabulary is running out of words because of what this stranger has been telling me. Because wherever and however you look at it, he's right.
"You're not even a saint to go directly to heaven. You're a sinner. You need to cleanse yourself and live with people again, but this time, you can see and feel them, but they can't with you. You'll deal with the pain to see people who loves you crying for your loss. You'll deal with the pain that they too are having. And it's for after-lifetime."
The Ferris wheel suddenly stopped turning and now we're on its peak.
"Fight and stand for yourself against the odds." I looked away from him and down to the city lights of Barcelona. "Live your life." He paused. "Because I didn't have the chance to."
I feel the cold breeze and now the wheel is turning again. "Who are y---"
I was stopped mid-sentence because he's gone. The guy who was just right in front of me, gone with the cold wind. What the hell?
Live your life. Because I didn't have the chance to...
Didn't have.. the chance.. "F*ck?" I cursed to myself, eyes I swore big as an owl's at the realization.
I immediately climbed down the cabin as soon as I reached the foot of the ferris wheel. I searched for him, a guy smiling, white as dead, and hair ruffled softly. He's nowhere, or maybe everywhere.
I got out of the amusement park and went to the nearest church. "Lord, please let him enter your kingdom. He's my hero, he saved my life. Please Lord.." I prayed with my eyes closed tightly.
When I opened my eyes, I saw him again. He mouthed thank you and with a blink, he's gone.
