lemon juice in my paper cut

chapter one my life is perfect

23 November 2007 

walking down to the bus station with my vampirish god of a boyfriend josh, our hands interlocked. when we reach the bus stop we just stare at each other. i was pale and i had red lipstick on my lips and heavy mascara on my eyes as well as eyeliner.

"why are we going to town anyway? you know they don't like us and think we are self inflicted slashers" he said pulling me towards him.

i just look at him for a moment before i say 

" yep i do know and you know that i dont care, now unless your ashamed of me and who we are and how we dress we are going to town to prove that we are just like everyone else"

i pull the puppy face and he just smirks and says "ok, ok i don't care what they think either as long as your happy" to which i mentally melt.

the bus was about 10 minutes late and counting. we had already filled up most of that time just talking and staring at each other. i loved my life, i mean who would when you had a sexy vampire (goth, not actual vampire) for a boyfriend who absolutely adored you and when you were me ( natural black hair, dark eyes, pale enough and very thick eyelashes and im not stuck up but i did realise i was good looking, a bit like a Gothic pixie) with a well off family,lets just say i was very happy. The bus finally arrived and it was almost empty. we payed and headed right to the back of the bus.

we spread out along the seats. i could see the bus driver giving us dirty looks in the mirror so i stuck my tongue out at him, josh just laughed. i clambered across the seats to his side and he put his chin on top of my head." beep beep, beep beep, BEEP" his phone went. i sat up so he could reach it. his eyes moved as he read the text. he put It back. a strange look on his face, i couldn't tell what it was so i let it go. i claimed my position back, this time he just put his arm on my side. not very intimate.

 i, quick as a cat, snagged his phone and went onto the messages. that's when i saw it. the text. it read,

"hey josh, so i just became available and now you can drop the goth act because although you are still hot in it i prefer the buff guy better. you can ditch your little dirt bag girlfriend and come hang out with some real girls. x x x love gemmy x x x

i looked at him. he refused to meet my eyes. i felt so used and humiliated. a chucked his phone at his head and pressed the stop button and walked off the bus as soon as it had opened its doors. he ran after me as i ran into the unknown street, my eyes filling with tears and then big fat tear drops rolled down my face staining them black with runny eyeliner.

"wait" he called.

" no, go back to gemmy you dirty scum" i screamed back.

he didn't stop but caught up and grabbed my arms. tight. painfully. and looked straight into my eyes and said rather loudly,

" i cant be with you anymore, you are frigid, emo, and a freak and i hate you and i never want to be within you eye sight again"

i held my own on the out side but inside was a house on fire and the people werent escaping,

"oh well you know what, we were dead before it even happend, i never want to see you again! go back to you slut gemmy and have sex and see how you feel and i hope you catch crabs 'cause she basically has shagged all the lads in the school if not in the country. and you think i would want to see you again after this? yeah you probably do since you are the self obssesed jerk who dosent care who he hurts aslong as they dont stand in your way" i screamed all that meanwhile dark tears running down my cheeks and burning my face with hatred.

he grasped me close to his chest for a minute and i screamed and thrashed around but he wouldnt let go so i gave up and all he said was,

"sorry" i looked at him with so much venom it filled my mouth with a bitter bile.

then for no reason at all he grabbed me so hard i yelped and crushed his lips on mine and i bit his lip so he threw me to the ground.

"you made my lip bleed" he said nastily.

"you will get over it i mean after all you made my heart bleed and im still here" i retorted

he just looked at me and then turned and walked away. i stayed sat on the ground and cryed a million mascara stained tear drops that ran down my face like snake poison. i screamed up to the sky. i had never been hurt by a boy and this boy was special to me and he had stole my heart then chucked it into the bin.

i gathered up my bag and stumbled back to the bus stop feeling weak and got on the first bus that came. one young woman asked me if i was ok and gave me a tissue i told her i was fine and accepted the tissue with gratitude.

i got off at the stop nearest my house and headed down the long streets that i called home. i opend the door and ran up the stairs and burst through my door and slamed it behind me and lay on my bed and cried into my pillow the eyeliner that still clinged to my eyes stained my blue pillow case. 

my lifes stability crumbled around me.