i forced myself into this.
i did this.
i continue to remind myself that this is my fault.
imagine being held prison by your own pride and
impulses. i am a good person. i am a bad person.
i am a person who can be both but god damn it
is it so bad? i need to stop. i'm ruining myself and
i'm ruining all of those around me. my thoughts are
in a pit that i fish out from when i speak, not glancing
in any regard to what it is. i can't breathe.
i can't think.
i don't think.
i won't think.
it's all my fault.
i did this.
i forced myself into this.
in any way, can i fix this? is it too far gone?
i have to carry on with the personality that
i so lovingly and impulsively pull on like a suit
it fits comfortably at first until it starts to shrink
in size and suffocate my skin and make living so hard
i'm an idiot. i am powerless. i want to believe i'm more
i want to think i amount to more than just another
idiot on this miserable, dying world in a lonely universe
i wish that my prayers would hold me to my next life
if they could bear my weight and not falter, that is
is that bad to ask of them? they're only words anyways
i hope that you do not read this
if you do, then oh well
i'm ranting again.
i digress
in
i
