Reviving December

Friends Don't

And desire him, I definitely did. I would wake in his arms late at night, his face buried in my neck, or the crook of my arms and I would fight myself — I wanted  to lean in and kiss him, wake him with this growing need in my belly. But I didn't. Not yet. Why? Because giving myself to him, in that manner, would be unfair. Because he didn't know my past yet, and he deserved to. He needed to know my scars and fears, my anxieties and terrors. Most of all, he needed to know what I would be giving him if I gave him myself; everything. I was nearly ready. I was almost there.

"How was your day?" I mumbled against his broad chest, enjoying the warmth that seeped into my skin from his simple touch. He didn't speak for a minute, simply held me against him. I didn't complain.

"Long." His sigh was weary, and I could feel the tension in his body. Instinctively I leaned back to look into his eyes. I could see the stress of the day across his handsome face. The set of his jaw, the tilt of his lips, the way his eyes seemed to hold less of a glimmer than before. He was bone tired. I pulled from his embrace and grabbed his hand in mine, savoring the calluses and warmth all at once. I pulled him to the couch and sat him down, reaching to help pull of his boots — my stay on the couch wasn't long. I wandered to the kitchen after handing him the remote and  made him a plate. The pot roast had been in the slow cooker for hours, serving up a dollop of creamed potatoes and steamed veggies. Soft homemade bread topped off the meal with a cold beer. He smiled gratefully as I handed him his dinner, leaning in to brush a soft whisper of a kiss against my temple before digging in. The silence between us wasn't uncomfortable in the least. I stole the remote to turn it to a recorded football game, something he had missed earlier in the week. Normally we ate at the table together, enjoying the company and the food, but tonight didn't strike me as a table night. His hum of approval sent shivers down my spine. He turned to me slightly, still shoveling food in his mouth one handed and, raised his free arm. I silently slid into the space, enjoying the way his fingers played with the ends of my hair as he ate. This was what home felt like, I realized. It was a sudden supernova in my gut. Something that struck me square in the chest and took my breathe. This was what it felt like to be loved, treasure and wanted all at once.

I closed my eyes fighting off the tears of emotion, the tidal wave of shock. This is what I had missed for so long. And it occurred to me, with a fierce thought, I was never going to let this go.

Cade

"She seems better." Dane said, watching over the rim of his mug as December interacted with her sisters and new niece gleefully, the barrier from before completely gone. I agreed with him partially, but knew that her darkness still existed, but the light days were more and more.

I didn't push her, even when I wanted to. It wasn't my place. I let her come to me, let her tell me pieces of the puzzle that had become her life. Oh, I wanted to know but losing her smile wasn't worth pushing her too far.

"She has good days and bad days, Mr. Dixon. Today just happens to be a really good one." I felt as if I were betraying her by admitting this, but we had discussed talking with her family about it before. I was grateful for today, glad to see the happiness shining in her eyes when she looked at me, interacted with her family. We had been at the Dixon's for two hours now, stuffing our faces with a delicious roasted turkey and a million sides — sipping warm cider and watching the game. Talk of Christmas was buzzing around, who would host this year since each member took turns — and it had been voted that my house would be the go to since December lived there. I was more than happy with this, since it meant that she was comfortable sharing my home. Our home, more like it. In the passing months it went from just an overnight bag to her fully moving in — it wasn't odd to find hair clogging the drain or bottles of lotions littering the bathroom counter tops. Walking into the house seeing her shoes scattered by the front door and her coat on the hook gave me an indescribable amount of pleasure. Waking with her in the morning, sipping fresh coffee as we cooked breakfast together. Simple tasks like doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen filled me with happiness. I was satisfied with my life, because I was sharing it with the woman I had always wanted  to be mine.

"It does an old man good to see his children happy, Cade." He sighed after a few minutes, a smile flirting with the edges of his lips. Dane Dixon was an imposing man all his own, but right now he simply seemed like a grateful parent, one who was proud of the daughters he had raised and the women they had become. Who wouldn't be with these Dixon girls? Successful in their lives, finding decent men to have families with — and beautiful children that increased in number by year. Caroline was the perfect example. My chest ached with want as I watched December cradling the two week old preciously in her arms, cooing down at her with a soft smile.

I wanted to see that look on her face when she held our child, wanted to come home to her rounded body growing with proof of our love every day. We still hadn't gotten past embracing one another, but I was a patient man and she was definitely worth waiting for.

"You gonna marry my girl, Cade Raines?" Dane asked suddenly, his azure eyes fixed on me in an unnerving way. Had I been a lesser man I would've balked at the stare, however I had never been a lesser man. And I had always wanted December as my own.

Meeting his gaze evenly, I placed my own drink down and took in a breath before responding.

"Wanted to when we were 18, time hasn't changed a thing, Mr. Dixon."

After a few tense moments of our stare down, an unguarded smile broke across his scarred face and he placed a heavy hand on my shoulder.

"Guess we'll be planning another wedding soon then, son."

And with everything in me, I prayed he was right.