『alone. 』- kim jungwoo

Part 1

For months, I was left alone in darkness. When you left, it was like the flame of a candle had gone out. The life in me had been drained.

Before you left, you hugged me tight, and you promised you would be back before I know it. Our goodbye was at the airport, and it was short, because your managers were rushing you to get on the flight. But it was meaningful to me.

As I watched you leave, a tear rolled down my cheek, but I smiled to myself. You would be doing what you love, and though I'm unable to be by your side, I would support you. I let you go because I knew it would be for the best. You were reluctant to go because you said you would miss me. I knew it would be hard for the both of us, but I encouraged you to pursue your dreams. Plus, you would be back anyways. I thought the separation would only be temporary.

It has always been your dream to tour with your group, NCT. Who am I to stop you?

Having you not there to wipe my tears broke me a little, but I knew you'd be back.

One week later, no Skype calls or texts.

It was hard for me to not see you or hear your voice. Even a text would be sufficient, but you sent none. All my calls to you went straight to voicemail. None of my texts received a reply.

I knew you were busy with your tour, but I missed you.

One month later, no Skype calls or texts.

I would check my phone every minute to see if any notifications were from you. But every time I checked, I found nothing.

I locked myself in the room, and I didn't eat properly for days. It was then that I couldn't grasp the concept that you had left. I did not believe it. I had been so to attached to you, and a separation tore me apart.

At first, I was understanding as to why you couldn't text or call me back, but after a month of no word from you, I was broken.

Were you tired or bored of me? Am I not good enough? I asked myself this everyday. I couldn't find myself to put the blame on you, so I put it on myself.

He said he would be back soon, but a month was too long for me.

I lost hope. I thought he would never come back. My friends noticed my depressed and lonely behavior so they tried to make me feel better. They told me he would come back, but I didn't believe them. They also tried to invite me to hangout every Saturday, but I turned them down every time. Eventually, they stopped asking.

A part of me still held onto your promise.

9 months later, I still had no word from you. Your group's tour ended months ago, where were you? Remember you promised me you would come back? At some point, none of my calls or texts went through, so I assumed you got a new phone. I didn't have any way to contact you.

Your disconnected phone didn't stop me, however. I still had that glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, you would connect to your phone again and respond to all my texts.

best boyfriend jungwoo ❤️

I miss you.
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