Poem Collection

Rapid Escalation

That memory was once real, I think

Somewhere in the back of my mind, then... blink!

Gone.

The world I used to live in,

Filled with laughters, rainbows, and sunshine

And butterflies dancing on emerald vines.

Happy, excited, and carefree, I was,

"Roses are red, violets are blue"

"My life is sweet, it doesn't seem true."

Standing by and watching a glistening stream,

It felt as if living in a dream.

As the clock tick, every seconds go by

Into minutes, hours, days, months, and years

Then my childhood was no longer clear.

Never knew what I turned into, one day at quarter past two,

He stood in my way and greeted me "hey!"

He started to praise and said he's amazed

With my skills and intelligence, I couldn't be unfazed.

Then he asked me for my help and I didn't refuse

It was just a project, it wasn't a big deal.

But right now I came to regret,

Thought he was a friend, but he was a threat.

Using me for his benefit, I've never felt more stupid

The idea of confronting him seemed perfect in my mind,

He'll say sorry, and I'll forgive

But reality isn't always cooperative,

Instead of an apology, I recieved words with intensity:

"Lazy", "weak", "ugly", "freak",

"Dumb", "retarded", "forgotten", "mistake".

What did I do? To deserve such?

Because I was telling the truth?

Or because I was no longer able to be controlled?

Like some puppet, throw insults at me

Make me feel worthless, like some garbage on the street.

Shell so hard, but everything breaks,

It crawled inside me, that monster of hate.

Don't trust strangers, Mother said,

But it's inside me, how could it be a threat?

One morning I woke up surrounded by gray

It seemed like all colors was all drenched away.

My emotions were also nonexistent,

Empty, was all that remained consistent.

No tears, just silence.

The world seemed to move in slow motion,

Or is it me? Drowning in an ocean

Of eternal crisis? Trust me, it's full of surprises.

That world I used to live in

Made me begin to wonder,

What happened to those days?

What happened to my fate?

What happened... to me?

Suddenly everything seemed so meaningless

And my life suddenly seemed so purposeless

Why did I exist again? To be a joke to entertain?

Invisible scars made visible

By suicidal thoughts and knife cuts on skin

Handful of pills, just trying to sleep in

Latch snapped in place, comfortable bed

Buried six feet underground, now...

Tears finally start to shed.