Femme in a Black Leather Jacket

Dr. Dukakis.

"How are the meds working?" Uh-oh, this again.

"Pretty well, I think." I don't even feel the words flowing out of my mouth, but she nods at me to continue, and my brain processes the cue before I do. "I haven't been late to work all this week," I add. This is true, I was even early on Tuesday. Dr. Dukakis nods her head. 

"Remind me of what you do, again?" I sigh. How often do I tell her this?

"I'm a call center representative for that publishing company on West Lincoln."

"The one with the green sign?" I sigh.

"Yeah." She jots something down. I don't think I've ever seen anything she's written about me in that notebook. She just writes down all my problems in her beautiful, loopy handwriting, never to be seen again. 

"And your classes?" Ah yes, another reminder of my failures.

"I'm passing them." She looks at me over her glasses. "No- really. I'm doing really well, I know what's going on, even." I make eye contact with her. "I'm not dropping out again."

I'm forced to think of last December. Not really a therapy thing, but she did remind me of it. I was in my sophomore year at UCLA, I bombed all of my finals except for Economics. It was a long time coming - I was late to classes, I missed quizzes, I couldn't bring myself to take notes. I don't really remember all the details to my downward spiral, just that it was such a waste of my full ride scholarship. 

And what do you do when you drop out of college because your OCD doesn't let you succeed? Well, sometimes you return to your home of Who Cares?, Wisconsin, get a 9-to-5, and enroll in community college. 

"Estelle!" Dr. Dukakis is waving her hand in front of my face. Ah, shit. She was definitely saying something to me. I focus again.

"Hm?"

"We only have a few minutes left, did you want to bring anything up?" 

"oh. No, thanks."

"Okay honey. Remember, there are groups for people in your situation, just email me if you're interested. I think going to one of these would be really good for you." My situation. Ha! 

I flash her a flat smile and slip out of the room. 

"See you next week," I choke out before closing the door behind me. 

A tear hits my cheek. I'm tempted to go back in, but I can't explain this. Is this from thinking about college earlier? Did Dr. D. say something to me? Do I have another problem? No, I'm just having an off day. 

I walk out the door and pull out my phone, immediately composing a text to Matthew. 

<Bad day. Spill the beans? xo>

<oh no :( ill be there asap>

How did I get so lucky?

----

i think a/ns are dumb but here i am! 

this chapter was mostly just char. intro but!! feel free to give me comments & questions

otherwise uhhh... read the next chapter!