Just using this to find a way to vent

Feelings

Lately, I've become numb, sad, alone, and cold. I have a fan blowing onto me 24/7, yes it is a part of why I'm cold but I like it, it kinda calms me but I still have the strong urge to cut, and fucking kill myself. I'm isolated and I hate face-to-face interaction, I feel like a waste of space and I just want to buy a gun so I can take it and just point it in my mouth, then pull the trigger. I also fear for other people by now, I feel like I might end up harming somebody. I feel like I'm nothing to the world. 

Today I was able to talk to a girl I think I like. She's pretty cute and she's extremely nice. Well, turned out that Stacy is 17 which fucking sucks ass. 

I also like toying with my own life, putting the blade up to my neck and feeling the coldness of it. It gives me a sense of control in my life, something I don't really have.