YouTubers Oneshots - Everyday is Different

Mark x Jacksepticeye- Shadows of Past

" Ugh,sorry Jack. I was kinda thinking about um.. stuff." - I answered.
I mean.. What I ever did to deserve that? He was so lovely, so selfless..
And I was just everything what was wrong. I tried to hide my emotions from everyone who tried to read me. I was like almost unable for everyone.
But he made it. He figured me out and I felt like I was open book for him. I could see the known face expression. He suspected that, didn't he? I hoped he didn't because I...
I messed his life up.I was a bad person. I almost made Signe  mad and she well-  she was probably still angry. I could bet on it, 'cause I almost made him break with her.
Oh, I made so many mistakes. Why did I had to see him after this?
He had such perfect personality and he was so pure. I was ..I had done so many things wrong.
I didn't deserved that angel. He just felt like he fell from heaven.
And I was everything but I sure was not a angel.
I was just a human being, right?
" Mark, are you lying? I can see the sadness spreading through the eyes" I again heard the words.
Yeah. I was sad. I was ..depressed. My world just crushed together down when he left. And he told that all was my fault.
He wasn't wrong. It was. It actually was.
It always been my fault. It never changed..And now huh, he didn't acted like he wanted to slap me or hurt. I quite was expecting him to yell at me but he was just calm.
" Nah, I'm fine. " - I lied.
I swear, I'm going to hell for the all lies. It was just hiding all these tears.
I didn't wanted to cry.
Not in front of him!
" Ok, but tell me if you wanna talk about that, k?" - Jack spoke it like he really was worried.
" Yeah. By the way, why did you came here?" I asked.
Like ..
DID HE HAD A REASON?!
I took a deep breath and waited for his answer. His blue, sweet and dreamy eyes were looking straight into my. I again had to say I had to fuckin'  damn stop. But I could stare into the ocean eyes for years.
I loved that innocent look once. Now I tried to not stare for a long time because we were only.. friends.
We were actually supposed to be. But I was still fighting with my own thoughts. I had to fuckin' move on. Jack was right. I wasn't going  on, I standed in one place. All that was happening because of that one thing.
It felt like the lights of happiness were switched off. Now I felt like I wanted to jump out of myself.
"Well..Since I have a tour in America I thought I could stay for a night or is that a problem?" -  he asked.
No..He wasn't a problem. I was one. I was the one, who needed something to put myself again together.
I needed anything.
But did I loved Amy?
I did!
Then why I wondered 'bout  the even littlest details?
I need to.. decide. Now  or never.
" It's not a problem. You're a very good friend and you were always for me so feel like home..I guess?" I said it insecure.
" Thank you!  I have to ask you something,  be honest okay?" . He told that like he was expecting that I'll not hide everything from him.
"  Oh. I'll have  to be."  I told, laughing a bit. But  it didn't sounded real. It was a bit sad laugh.
" Do you still have feelings,Mark?"  I heard.
I started to think. I'm not into him.
That's only the freaking past thing. I have to say no. I'm gonna say no!- I thought.
"I.. I mean.. N-no!" I finally managed  to tell what I wished to.
" You stuttered on that!"  he noticed.
FUCK! FUCK.. DON'T BREAK DOWN. MARK JUST NO- I thought.
" Because I'm feeling a little nervous, are you happy?"  I said that a little bit pissed. He  suddenly catched  me and I started to feel my heart going like it raced.It beated  like I still loved that damn Irish boy.
I don't feel it! I was over him. I was over the boy who told me I should go f*** myself. And he was hella  right.
I deserved to be out of his life.
I had no place in there. I was supposed to be gone.
I tried to kill myself, to take this sh* t away. I wanted to leave this world.
I didn't belonged anymore in here. I wanted everything to vanish. But I decided to stay.
Why?
I didn't wanted to quit yet. But living  in pain was a lot worse than being gone.
Because I was left by myself.
No one heard me scream internally - I felt kinda  I tried  to tell about it but everytime  I screamed but it was just a internal suffering.
No one saw it.
And he wasn't  gonna find it out..
" Mark. Don't be mad. I freakin' was worried. That's all, y'know.."  he spoke it very quiet.
I fixed my hair and all I wanted to say was to tell him to leave.
Why didn't I said it?
I was confused. It was so hard. Why I wouldn't  simply try to speak my mind out?
I didn't wanted him to be angry, that was one of reasons. And there were so many other..
" Duh. You know what? I don't need you worrying about me, I'm just piece of trash. I-..".
I didn't finished the sentence because he pulled me into a hug and those were a few  amazing  seconds. I felt better when he was close.
I tried  so hard to not tear up. I didn't know  why but leaving the past behind was the hardest part of existing here.
How could I do it so easily as he did?
I really once..
I need to stop. I'm overthinking.
"Better?"  - his voice brought me to reality.
" Oh a lot better!" I said happily.
All of  sudden I realised something. I had to let it go or I would still hurt myself..by holding on something from a long time ago.
" Good. Let's play, maybe  some horror games?" he asked with his cool accent.
I really liked to listen him but..
It was over.
Forever. It was not  anymore a thing.
It was the time. The time came to finally live on.
And it was not tomorrow.
Not in a few days.
It was.. Today.

Sorry for the all grammar mistakes if there are any and I know it's not original idea but I just felt inspired and I decided to write this.
Please don't hate if you don't like it.
And I'm very sorry because I know it's bad ;-;
Have a nice day/  night / evening ✌
( I added this song it's the best song to listen while reading)