I cant sleep. I'm sitting on their coach (I can never remember how to spell that word.) while everyone else is asleep. She fell asleep to my favourite movie and obviously I watched it to the end but now I'm the last one awake. The sound of bubbling water is something that i'd usually play on my phone to help me fall asleep but tonight it's just something that reminds me that I'm not in my own bed. I'm not completing the daily ritual that I started this morning; my day isn't going in a perfect circle, that'll only happen when I'm asleep in my own bed tomorrow.
Lately I've been speaking to the same 10 or so people every evening, online I mean. But tonight... I'm at my good friends house and I couldn't speak to them. I can't decide if it's normal or not to have such a feeling of missing longing to be in that chat room right now even though I've finally spent the day physically interacting with someone.
So that's the headspace I'm in... I might as well start writing now.
Wake up.
Go to school.
Come home.
Repeat.
Then you finally reach that day that you've been waiting for your entire life so far. It's amazing for the first month until you realise that you're just.
Wake up.
And You wonder why you waited so long for this. Wanted this to happen so.
Go to school.
You start to spy all the other possibilities, all the other courses you could have.
Come home.
And all of the choices you have laid in front of you, oh GOD all of the.
Wake up.
It keeps you up at night. You've waited so long for.
Go to school.
You've waited so long for all of this. But none of it actually prepared you for any of this bullshit. I just need someone in my life to tell me what to do again. Why can't anyone just give me a simple fucking answer. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE.
It's only been 15 minutes and my eyes are so heavy they hurt. I want to sleep but I have this burning hope that if I stay awake long enough that my (fuck I just spotted the snake they keep in the living room) long enough that all of my feeling will eat themselves away. Or I'll pass out until someone has made a choice for me. He'll maybe I think that I deserve to feel this existential dread?
YOU ARE READING
Midnight Writings.
Poetry(FOR ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME IRL. IM SORRY OF WHAT HAPPENS HERE DOESNT MESH WITH THE WAY YOU SEE ME) Sometimes I can't sleep. Sometimes I'm so filled with this weird sense of... existential dread... And I feel the need to write.
