Cal lied in his bed, staring at his white ceiling, counting the atoms making up said ceiling. He had reached 9,437,206,518 when all of a sudden he a loud roar erupted from his backyard. His back became erect as he shot out of his bed. Leading with his left foot, he ran through his bedroom door, sprinted down the hall, waltzed down the stairs, bolted through the living room, and leaped out of his back door. The sight that greeted him filled his body with pure shock. It was a projection of the messiah himself. Cal looked Gilbert in the eyes. This gesture was followed by a solid three minutes of silence. Gilbert made the first gesture.
"Cal," he said ominously. "I understand it's been awhile, but I need your assistance. The most horrid thing has happened. You see, the Hoff has been resurrected, and he took on of the sacred foundation objects of the universe."
Cal interjected Gilbert's monologue, questioning what he meant with the term "foundation objects of the universe".
"You see, when the Earth was first formed, it was split into three foundation objects, object one, a 6inch glitter jelly dildo, object two, a pair of Noah Began's pants, and object three, the one that was stolen, a blu-ray copy of Ice Age: The Meltdown. These objects hold immense power, and hold the universe together. I believe the Hoff is trying to collect them all, and enslave and / or destroy the universe, usual Anti-Christ activity." Gilbert explained this whilst pacing back and forth.
"So let me get this straight," Cal said matter-of-factly. "You, lost a copy, of Ice Age : The Meltdown on Blu-Ray? And because of that, our universe is at stake?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," Gilbert responded, with slight agitation in his voice. "I'm asking for your help, because I'm in heaven I'm unable to come down and help, what I'm asking is you form a team and find my blu-ray copy of Ice Age : The Meltdown. Will you help me?"
Cal looked at Gilbert and contemplated this, he though he was done with stuff like this. A few years ago he turned in his resignation papers and quit. You see, on Cal's last adventure he lost his best friend, Purple Dude. It was a harsh end of the universe battle caused by Gilbert's evil clone Bilbert Barcia. The Hoff took a pair of pants from Gilbert after one of his band performances and used it to make a clone of him. He followed this action with jizzing pure evil onto the clone, this made a being like no other, and his name was Bilbert Barcia. Bilbert began enslaving the minorities and almost destroyed the fabric of time and space. Cal and Purple Dude were able to sneak into Bilbert Barcia's RV of evil, but sadly, Purple Dude did not leave alive. Cal carried his body with tears in his eyes. The battle was won, but at what cost? The funeral was open casket so friends and family could see the power and abilities of Bilbert Barcia. Cal resigned the next day from the Holy Army. He retired to a small beach house off of Lake Erie, often referred to as "The Cal Zone" where he now was located.
As Cal contemplated his choices, he noticed the desperate look in Gilbert's eyes. A feeling of guilt filled his lower intestine as he knew what he had to do. He knew Purple Dude wouldn't have wanted him to back out. Purple Dude was a fighter, and would stop at nothing to bring the Hoff's evil intentions to an end. Cal began walking towards Gilbert. Gilbert nodded and embraced Cal, the two then warped up into the sky.
