Social Suicide

Chapter 29

A/N: This chapter was painful to write buuuuuut…hope it’s good? <3

Answers. Shoving him gently away, I felt tears resurfacing in my eyes as I looked at him preparing myself for the responses I might get. “Why do you care?” The question startled both Gabby and Luke as they both glanced at one another before turning a confused look my way. Luke’s voice was broken; he couldn’t understand what I meant. Hell, I didn’t even know what I meant; I just needed to know his answer. “What? What do you mean ‘why do I care’?” It startled me a bit; how awkward he could get over a simple question. “Why do you care what I do to myself? Why does it matter? It’s my body and if I don’t want to be here that’s up to me.” His face changed from hurt to shocked, no one really knew how I felt, I kept it all inside trying to be fucking happy when in reality all I wanted to do was cry. I try to make others happy by laughing along at their unfunny jokes, or moving states with them so they could have a new beginning. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Thoughts were circling around in my head until they were deeply interrupted by a soft voice. “Because I care about you….Gabby cares about you. I love you, I probably couldn’t even live without you…..you go, I go. Remember that.” His answer startled me, but it still didn’t change my mind. I knew what I wanted and needed to do to be happy and I obviously couldn’t do it while being stuck in this shit hole.

His answers didn’t make me feel any better. Only made me think more about the dark hole my life had become. I still hadn’t forgiven him, instead sent him and Gabby away so I could ‘rest’. They obliged and left me to look over my broken life. I had lost my mum at the young age of four, my brother only two, and had dealt with it by keeping to myself. It was hard to realize; no mother-daughter talks of advice about boys, or braiding of hair, or help for dances-especially with prom….she was gone. It’s still hard to except; all I want is her to wrap me in her arms and tell how everything was going to be ok. But I so desperately needed to hear her-or someone- call me the nick-name she came up with; Daddy’s Girl. It came about how I looked almost just like my father, and how when he held me I wouldn’t cry, only giggle at the silly faces he would make at me. But when she left she didn’t just leave me without a mother….she left with dad and that hurt to know he wasn’t the same smiley person he always was. He was just an empty stare…..