M,
I can't believe I'm writing this right now. I can't believe I'm about to put my heart and soul down on paper for you, and the whole world, to see.
Out of 7.4 billion people in the world, you're the one who knows me best – so you must know how hard this is for me. You know how hard it is for me to open up to people. How hard it is for me to trust others, and confide in them.
I know we always joke around, and last time I admitted this you thought I was kidding. You laughed, I cried (internally), and we moved on. But whatever I've been feeling has been growing, bubbling up inside of me. I need to talk about it. I want to talk about it. With you.
So here I am, saying it again.
I. Like. You. As more than just my best friend.
Yeah, I'm cringing just typing it. I can already see the teasing look in your eye. But hear me out -
What I'm feeling is not at all like those sappy movies we make fun of. I don't get butterflies in my stomach, I don't feel like my heart's going to burst, and I definitely don't swoon at every little thing you do.
But I'll tell you what does happen. I can be at the grocery store, walking down the endless aisles of bright red stickers and sale signs, when I'll see straws. Time will stop. The corner of my lips will twitch upwards, and a warm feeling would spread through my core. My day will be made, just by seeing plastic straws.
Why? Because I'll remember the countless times I've teased you about driving over an hour to go to your favorite boba shop when there are at least a dozen within a ten mile radius. You'll argue back that none can compare; that their boba is "perfectly spherical and chewy" and their flavors "make your tastebuds sing" (it all tastes the same to me).
I'll remember your smile when you take that first sip, and the little dimple in your left cheek that you try so hard to hide (because it doesn't make you "look manly"). And of course, you never forget to bring me one too (even though the ice melts and the boba gets gooey).
This sounds stupid, I know. But I can't help it - all these small things, all your little quirks, have awakened something that I thought couldn't be possible. I have never had a crush on anyone else, so why you?
Why is it that I can't stop thinking about you? Why do I look at you, and wish that you'd pull me closer? Wish you'd let me snuggle into your side whenever we hang out, let me hold your hand when we go get ice cream...
I know you don't feel the same, but my feelings are real. So please, take this seriously, and break my heart gently.
