THE SCHOLARSHIP. » D. SWING

• ✧- chapter eight

"I don't know if I can do this with you anymore J." My heart dropped at the sound of her words as my mind raced while she backed away from me. I took a deep breath as I remembered Kareem's words telling me to chill out sometimes. After everything that had been happening all in the span of 24 hours I at least expected to have Des alongside Kareem in my corner but as one could see, that likely wasn't going to happen. She spotted the difference in my demeanor as I discreetly attempted to calm myself down as my jaw repeatedly clenched causing her to further her statement. "I mean maybe this is too much for you. . .for us. You've got basketball going for you and all these colleges checking you out. . . I don't wanna ruin any of that." She rambled as she pushed her clothed back against the graffiti masked wall.

"I never said you'll ruin it. I kept you in my corner for a reason Desirae! What the hell do you mean you don't wanna ruin things! We've been rocking for a long ass time and now all of a sudden you think you ruining things? When the fuck were you gonna fill me in that you were ruining my life, huh? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't notice!" Like a volcano, I was erupting. Believe me when I say, I'm trying so hard to contain it but it looked as if I were losing the grand battle. My anger being Goliath and I being David. . .but if there was anything I knew about the Bible it was that David won the battle. . . But seeing that I was in the midst of an alternate ending, things might not go as expected.

"See! Your stress and anger is out of this world! There's only so much I could take and this might not be it!" She seethed as she spoke with her hands

"Now you a psychologist or something? Ain't nobody stressed! And if I am it's because you causing it right about now!" I yelped as I began to talk with my own hands - playing off her energy. She avoided my eye contact causing me to tuck in my lips as I came to realize my aggression. "Des, all I wanted to fucking do was be your man! Thats all I asked! Now you flipping the script! I was gonna take you all the way! Me and you! You and me! That's it!" I continued while I came over to her once again and planted my palm upon the wall.

"I wish it could be like that, Bari. . .but it can't." She said just above a whisper as her voice cracked just before moving over to where the sinks sat. It was like my life was changing all to quickly and by the looks of it, I couldn't take it. Just like Jacoby foretold- even though not referring to the same thing- things were indeed changing. "I mean look at you! You bug out all the time and I know I've been taking it for a long time but this time I can't!"

"You don't mean that! I can guarantee you, you don't mean that! Okay? So let's just get past this like we always do, Des, come on! We've done it before." I kept at my begging hoping that it was going somewhere although she looked unmoved. I ain't never been the one to beg nor apologize so she could've at least cut me some slack for hopping out of character for the sake of our relationship. Besides that, I truly love Desirae. . . I thought we were going to make it. I thought she would be there when I would go off to college. . .when I get drafted. . .when I make it. It was going to be just me and her. . .

Just her and I.

"Can't you just listen to me for once? I said what the hell I said Bari! It's done! And you could guarantee that!" She shot back, showcasing an attitude I have yet to become familiar with. I let out a soft chuckle due to this demeanor as I placed my hands up in defeat- I had finally gotten the message.

"You know, Coby told me shit was changing. . . I guess underestimated him when he said that, don't ya think?" I let out as a frail smirk found its way upon my lips- not 'cause anything was hysterical but it was that little smirk that masked my solace. It was like Desirae became a new person overnight, a person who I couldn't show my pain to- this leading me to revive my nonchalant attitude as I let out a sigh. "You know I hope you find someone better than me, Des. Someone who could make you say it was all worth it, ya know? Because it'll be a damn shame if you came running back to me and I close the door." I stated just before the bell rang. "You might wanna hurry and get up outta here fore some cats see you and get the wrong idea. . .wouldn't wanna scare them away already, am I right?" She glanced at me, still standing by the sinks- shocked by what I said causing me to shy away from her stare and avert my eyes to the ground. A part of me felt bad but the other part was practically telling me not to think twice about what I said. Without a word, she shook the spot and disappeared into the hallways as I stayed behind.