i miss us. | #toalltheboyscontest

the letter

dear "crush,"

i miss you. i miss us. i cant tell you how many times i check my phone, hoping that youve texted me back. or how many times im fighting the overwhelming urge to tell you how much i love you, miss you. tell you all the things i shouldve told you, before you left me. it gets to the point that im throwing my phone across the room, and distracting myself with the only thing that gets me happy: friends. i guess that.. this doesnt seem real. it seems like im in this horrible nightmare, where youve stopped loving me. and when i realize it isnt.. its horrible. anyways, uhm. i read old texts a lot. thats probably not really good, but whatever. the time that you promised you wouldn't leave me. the time you said that, one day, you were gonna marry me. i wish we still had that. that something special, that i felt for you, and still do. that something special that keeps you up all night, thinking about the other person. that makes you happy, that makes you smile. i guess they call that love. i guess thats what i feel for you, even after you broke my heart. i dunno. i guess that.. i just dont think its fair. not fair, that you stopped loving me. not fair, that you faked loving me. for two long months. pretending you returned the feelings i had for you, so you wouldnt hurt me. i guess i can see why you would do that, but.. i wish you told me sooner, so that i was a little less attached to you. or, so it would hurt a little less, when you did decide to tell me. sigh. i would give anything to have just a little bit more time with you. so i could tell you how i felt about you. so that today, instead of writing this, i'd be writing a "happy anniversary" letter. but i guess this is how life works. tearing two people apart, or whatever. leaving one happy, and the other confused, and hurt, and.. broken, i guess. wondering how they could be so incredibly unlovable. sure, i feel shit for other people. well, for another person. but do they love me back? or feel anything for me? no. and i guess thats what hurts the most. but.. ya know. thank you. thank you, for giving me a love that i cant seem to get over. thank you, for getting stuck in my head. for the good nights, where im smiling, and laughing. for the days im crying in the shower, or im desperately trying to get some sleep. i guess i just wanna say that.. i still love you. and i know that those feelings will never be returned, but i still do. just.. be happy. and find someone that makes you happier than i ever could. all i really care about is if youre doin okay. because, i love you.