Born For You

01

Tapping my hand on my leg I couldn't stopped thinking about this!

Another opportunity lost. Puff!!!
It wasn't mine I guess. My last job let me down, I said let me down because they want me to do things that don't go with my belief. Like seriously! the crazy man got himself naked in front of me. Naked!!

Who just do things like that if they are not crazy? I really like that job though, in a ways it helped me keep money to leave this place I called 'home' which does feed me so.

Now I'm back at square one, thinking I have to start job hunting! Not that it's something easy it seemed that all the opportunities are lock away in a secret place for certain person. I've applied to certain but till now no answer.

I Wonder if there are place to find a job that you can do without compromising yourself? My features don't help me, but I won't wish to be ugly just so I can have a descent opportunity.

I still want to believe that I'll find something AND someone that is only made for me. It has to exist or there is no point of living.

Life can be very weird sometimes, one time you think that something is important a moment afterwards you have a revelation of what to do.

It's clear, we rarely do what we want to do but what we have to do to survive, to stay safe.

Seriously, I know that I'm rambling but who won't with this kind of life. I'm a very introvert person around people I don't feel at ease with, but very talkative Around those I'm comfortable with.

I have natural features, a well shape face with a delicate nose and eyelashes, my easy showing dimples and short height not taller that's sure, you could call me doll if it weren't for my well defined jaw and the way I carry myself rather coldly, that always makes peoples think that I'm from an aristocratic line.

I easily past for a model that's what is my problem whenever I deal with others humans I have to be extra cold or deals with unpleasant peoples that thing that the only way to manage their life is to sexually harass the one who work for them.

The simple decency requires the other part to consent or even to play in the same league.

Human always assume things. Worse, men always assume that a woman only need what they have in their pant! In this town it's the norm! you trespass it and you're the one to kill. This suck!

We are a Saturday as usual I'm sitting in the backyard of my parents house, which has a beautiful garden I made myself to pass time, whenever I laid my eyes on it, from my bedroom window or seat here, I realise that life can be magnificent without all the drama humans are always adding to it.

It is always so peaceful.

Today weirdly, the peace irradiating from it, can't seem to calm me.

I'm feeling unsteady, like there is something that I can't figure out in me, I tried to thing again and again about what I can do to realise what I feel like doing.

I always want to open clothes shops with my own brand or have a company that renovate houses or even be a personal coach. But for all of that I need the most important part.

"The money!" Breathing out in defeat my foot started stomping on the grass in an impatient way.

It feels like I'm stuck in between who I am, what I want and what life and my surrounding makes me do. This is just not me! It's like being locked in a routine that's killing me slowly.

"Arggh!" Clenching my fists I rolled my tongue in my mouth, something I always do when I felt helpless.

I always get like this when my heart feel nothing but loneliness and emptiness.